Mom used to sing songs to me when I was growing up, and even as an adult she would treat me to a serenade. Mom wasn't the best singer but neither was she was the worst. I miss hearing her sing Bicycle Built for Two, Baby Face, Ain't Misbehavin', It's a Great Big Wonderful World etc ....
When Dobrila accidentally gave me a Gravol during dinner, I heard Mom singing in my head Sleepy-time Girl. I knew that this drug would soon knock me out, so I had to do my work fast.
I can't believe I'm still awake, but I guess it's because I had to deal with some things and that woke up my mind. For one thing, my friend Nick was supposed to bring a cabinet from Mom's place, but it was four inches too big to fit in his van.
Bloody hell! I was really looking foward to geting that big lovely cabinet. It would have reminded me of Mom, Dad, and of simpler times gone by.
Memories are funny things. They can either give you immense joy or they can break your heart into a billion pieces. Sometimes it can be a combination of both.
Dobrila and I went to Starbucks for an afternoon snack, but it was too cold and drafty because people kept opening the door. So, we sought warmth at College Park. Our seat overlooked the bag/luggage store where Mom had first had signs of having heart problems. (Ten years ago, Mom collapsed in that store and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance.) As Dobrila ate and chatted, a friend of mine came over and asked how I was doing. I explained to her that my brother and I were still tangled up in the web of our mother's estate, and that we were both terribly frustrated!
Sometimes I like the feeling of nostalgia when I go to to College Park, and yet, other days I just can't stand all of the reminders that Mom is actually gone. The latter, as you can imaging, describes how I felt today. It's hard to get all of the sadness out of my head.
Grief, I feel, is like the ebb and flow of the seas and like the changing of the seasons. It can be warm and serene or unexpectedly frigid and tumulturous. And, just like the seasons and the weather changes, people who are in mourning have to learn how to deal with their intense and fluctuating moods everyday.
I love you, Mom, and I miss you ....