Friday, May 31, 2013

My Speech for Today


Honestly, what happened today made up for the disappointment over not getting chosen for the chance to produce a TV series that would have been loosely based on my life.

CUPE Ontario had their union convention this week, and today their focus was on union bargaining rights.  However, they also wanted a few community speakers to talk about the need for the government to raise the rates of social assistance and minimum wage, so that poor and marginalized people can live with dignity and remain (or become) healthy.

I was one of those community speakers.  I represented the Ontario Coalition Against Poverty (OCAP), who asked me to write a speech for the occasion.

Here is my speech:


In 1995 Mike Harris brutally slashed ODSP and OW rates by 21.6 %.   Despite McGuinty’s promises of poverty reduction, the Liberal government has not only failed to keep their word, but has actually plunged people who are on ODSP and OW deeper into poverty and further below the poverty line.  Because of that initial 21.6% cut, plus the ever growing inflation for the last 16 years, which no politician ever seems to take into account, people on ODSP and OW are struggling to survive on funds 55% below where they should be.

We live upon truly meagre amounts, sometimes having to choose between rent and food.  Does the government care about this fact?  Not on your life!    They strive to humiliate us further by, first, taking the Special Diet away from us, and then closing down homeless shelters, and getting rid of the Community Start-Up and Maintenance Benefit.  See, not only does the government want to keep poor and marginalized people impoverished, but they also want our quality of life to be precarious and dangerous!  How would they like it having to choose between food and rent each month? Could they cope with having to sleep out in the freezing cold every night because funding for more beds had been cut? And, I am positive that they would protest loudly if their essential funding, which allowed them to secure an apartment, buy furniture, and stave off eviction, was suddenly cut!

But they don’t care about poor and marginalized people at all!  Wynne, like McGuinty, only cares about eliminating the deficit.  Even though it’s very clear from the government’s own records that the greed of big corporations created this whole mess, they expect the poor people of Ontario to pay for it.  In the recent budget, they actually bragged of cutting corporate taxes by $8.5 billion a year since 2009.  Not only that, but they openly boasted that now Ontarians get less government funding than people in any other province.

The government should be truly ashamed of itself for prioritizing the happiness of big corporations, instead of focusing upon the welfare of its most marginalized people.

We need to all band together, and keep on making noise.  Louder and louder, and even louder still!  Until they realize that we won’t stop and we won’t go away!   They have to understand that our health and dignity are worth more than any deficit or big corporation!

Thank you. 

Shamefully, I had been too late to go to the rally they'd had beforehand, but people from CUPE and OCAP all said that this didn't matter, they wanted to hear my speech anyway inside of the Sheraton Centre.  (I was glad to hear this because I had stayed up until 2am the previous night finishing it and then entering it into my text-to-speech app on my iPad.)

I gave my speech to approximately a thousand people, and they all seemed to hang onto every word, occasionally adding words of agreement and encouragement.  At the end, much to my amazement, I got a standing ovation.

Even when I was going home, people kept stopping me and telling me that they had been in the audience and had heard me and agreed wholeheartedly with the content of my message.

I sure didn't feel invisible today!

Thursday, May 30, 2013

No Time to Stand and Stare

Leisure
  by
William Henry Davies



What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.


This was my father's favourite poem, and he used to recite it to me often.

I thought of this poem as I began this entry because I have so many things to get done before I can have time to my to just stand (sit) and stare.

Yeah, right!  As if I could be truly happy just sitting and doing nothing!

Back to writing my speech for tomorrow's rally ....

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

No Accounting for Taste

Our pitch wasn't the one that was chosen. Rap Trap was the one they liked.  I'd say more, because I'm really upset about this, but I have one billion things to do - and I'm stressed out!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Pictures From Pitch

Getting Ready for the Pitch Competition

A Free Box Lunch?

Wow!

Yay! Leaving Normal


So, the pitch competition is over, and I'm exhausted! Sherry, Simone, and I did a brilliant job, if I do say so myself.  A lot of people came over to say that they liked our pitch.  Even one of the other competitors shook my hand and said he really liked our pitch.

We'll know the results tomorrow at 5:30pm.  Right now, I'm celebrating a job well done by drinking Coke and scotch, and watching Arrested Development.

Good night.

Monday, May 27, 2013

The Pitch is the Thing

Today, for the second day, I rehearsed the pitch with Leon and Sherry.  Tomorrow is the big day!  I'm nervous, sure, but also very excited!

I hope fervently that they choose our idea.  I'm sure Leon and Sherry want this too, but it's more important to me.  In all honesty, even if our idea does get chosen, I'm not very hopeful that the people in charge will allow the main character (who is based on me) to have a disability that is so complex, or if she will even have CP.  I'm not even confident that the actor portraying "Annie" will have a disability.

Glee, Ironside (the original), Malcolm in the Middle, My Left Foot, A Beautiful Mind - to name just a few TV shows and movies - have non-disabled actors playing the parts of people with disabilities. The Facts of life occasionally had Geri Jewel appear: she had mild CP.  Michael J Fox and Marlee Matlin make occasional guest appearances on several different shows - and that's wonderful!

I think my favourite movie has to be "Dance Me to My Song".  It's an Australian film starring and written by Heather Rose Slatterly.  Ms Slatterly was an actor whose disability closely resembled mine. The plot, too, eerily mirrored my own life: romance, attendant abuse, great friends.

I could only find two links on this movie and Ms Slatterly; unfortunately, no clips.

http://www.geocities.ws/heather_rose_slattery/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0154378/

The movie was excellent, but it's gone now and hardly anyone remembers it.

A weekly TV show, though, where the main character is like me, with similar hardships and joys - that would be truly incredible!

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Busy Busy Day Ahead

Rascal woke me up at 9am, purring, walking on top of me, and nudging my hand.  It was a nice way to wake up, but then I couldn't get back to sleep for worrying about everything I have to do today.

Breakfast, getting dressed, tidying up, and then rehearsing the pitch with Leon and Sherry.

I want to write emails after they leave and catch up on my finances.

And paint ....


I'm dying to paint!




Saturday, May 25, 2013

A Ten Dollar Day

Bloody Hell!   I only sold one ten dollar pack of cards.  Like my mother used to say, "It's better than a  kick in the teeth."  True, but this kind of thing impedes my progress to eventually becoming rich a nd famous.

It's been a good and bad day.

I only made $10.00 - not good.

Leon came to see me and told me about an exciting new idea for the pitch on Tuesday - that's good.

Another friend of mine almost made cry because she kept asking where my mother's ashes had been scattered.  She also kept  asking about my idea of going to England in August for my birthday.  (It's an idea.  I'm not sure if I can financially or emotionally capable of going.  England holds so many memories of Rob for me.)  Really not good at all!

I had  dinner at the Spaghetti Factory with Bruce and the kids, which was fun!  That's good.

Motria came over, and we watched Law & Order and Mad Men.  It was great to catch up with her; we haven't seen each other in awhile - That's good.

I'm in terrible pain with my neck and back - really, really, really not good!

I'm going to go to bed now and sleep in until 11am -  fucking fantastic!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

So Busy!

My god, what a day!  Emails, phone calls, texts, packages being delivered and picked up.  Mayhem!

Leon and I were discussing the script for the TV show pitch competition that's happening next Tuesday.  He and Sherry are coming over to rehearse tomorrow afternoon.

And, this evening I'm talking to my lawyer about the human rights case against the cops, which is still in the works after three years.

And then, there are the things I need to do so that my brain won't keep nudging me awake by saying things like, "Annnnnnnnnnnnne!  You need to get your membership packages out, and update your finances, and order more merch, and do another painting, and find someone to cover Natasha's shift when she goes to her new job ... and ... and ... and ...!"

I'm stressing myself out.  Quick, the Lorazepam!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Sunny, Rainy Wednesday

Not much to say today.

I went to see my counselor this afternoon.  Like other times, I poured my heart and soul out to her.  I didn't cry this time; instead, I sweated buckets. One reason for this could be that it's hard work to express myself with my communication board when I'm fired up and passionate about what I'm trying to say.  Another reason (speaking of being fired up) is that it was terribly hot inside the counselor's office.  All of my life, I've been super sensitive to heat.

Since I've been writing this (while eating pizza and watching Fringe), it has rained (down-poured, actually!) and then returned to being sunny.  It's like the weather has been mirroring my moods today: warm and optimistic, emotionally distraught and frustrated, and then calm and temperate.

It's night now; time for Game of Thrones, chocolate, a bit of work, and then bed.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Duct Tape?

I feel much, much better today!  As Simone is wont to tell me, "Sleep is a wonder drug."

I had a good, fun, and productive day.  I wrote some emails, worked on my employees' scheduling, had a meeting with Leon, ordered envelopes from Grand & Toy.

Sarah and I went to see "Evil Dead" today.  I was all prepared to be scared out of my wits because it was advertised to be "the scariest movie ever made!"  Yeah, right!  There were too many ridiculous things going on to be scary.  For instance, Satan was jumping in and out of bodies willy-nilly.  I never knew that he could be so fickle! And, there was a woman who was supposed to be a nurse - she let her boyfriend yank out a huge piece of glass from his friend's chest.  Any medical professional will tell you NEVER remove a foreign object (knives, arrows, shards of glass) from a wound because the person will bleed to death.  What really got me, though, was that the nurse's boyfriend proceeded to cover his friend's gaping wound with duct tape!  I laughed out loud at this, especially since this method was used more than once!  I half expected to see Red Green walk onto the screen at any minute.

I could imagine Rob laughing at the duct tape scenes.  I could hear him say, "Anne, did you write the script for this movie?"  Rob knew I was (and am) obsessed with using duct tape in multiple ways.  I've duct taped a tablecloth to my kitchen table in order to hold it in place.  Strips of duct table are on the floor of my dining area to show my employees exactly to place me in the morning for breakfast.  But duct tape for gaping wounds? Ridiculous!

Now velcro on the other hand ....

Monday, May 20, 2013

Out of Sorts

I'm feeling out of sorts today.  Tired, achy, slightly depressed and grumpy, with stomach problems too.

Yuck!

I think I'll work for awhile and then go to bed early.  I'm probably just over-tired. 

It's been a hell of a weekend!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

My Latest Hospital Experience

So, at 5pm on Thursday evening, I took one mouthful of food -  two large and dry pieces of chicken  on one spoon - and immediately tried to spit them both out.  I managed to get one out, but, unfortunately, I swallowed the other piece involuntarily.  I could feel the little bugger make a sweet nest for itself right in the middle of my esophagus.

I tried drinkitg olive oil, and when that didn't work, Coke - anything to move the chicken downwards. Unfortunately, what fluids  I tried to ingest immediately came right back up.  By midnight, I was exhausted and went to bed.

On Friday morning, even though I knew by this time my efforts were futile, I tried drinking hot tea.

Nothing.

So, I told Yuula I needed to go to the hospital.  We got to Mount Sinai Hospital around 2:45pm.  I was interviewed several times by several different people with the same questions.  Why was I here?  Had I ever been to this hospital before?  Did I have any allergies?

I was taken into a cubicle, where I was asked more of the same questions by more doctors and nurses.   And then this snarky nurse came in to take blood and start me on an IV drip.  It hurt more this time because she put the needle in my hand not in my arm.  When Yuula asked me if I was in pain, the snarky nurse piped up and said, "Well, I did puncture her skin.  That's going to, of course, hurt her."

They tried and tried to convince me to have an x-ray, but I refused and I said that meat wouldn't show up. So that was good. They told me that the machine had to be brought down for the procedure and that it wouldn't be very long.

Two  hours later, at 6pm, I was still waiting. They told me the hold up was because of shift changes and that it wouldn't be too long now. In the meantime I had my own shift change. Yuula left and Brittainy arrived.

Thank god I brought my iPad with me! It was 3 more hours until they actually started the procedure, and during those hours I watched more Fringe on Netflix.

The procedure went on without a hitch. Well, sort of. The piece of chicken had been pushed down into my stomach, and that was good, but they said that my oxygen levels were "dangerously low" and that if I left right then I could have brain damage. Even though I wasn't too thrilled about staying overnight and being and being observed I agreed.

They put Brittainy and me into another cubical, and put me on a bed so I could sleep. Unfortunately, my oxygen levels were even lower in bed because I needed to cough up the phlegm in my lungs, and it was difficult if I was lying down. So, I said, okay, I will sleep in my chair.  And I did! It was the most uncomfortable sleep I have ever had! I kept waking up over and over, trying to stretch out the painful kinks in my body.

One of the nurses came and told me that the doctor would come at 8am and check me out to see if I could go home. At 9am I was impatient to go home and see my cats and actually eat something!

I got home at 10am, peed, fed my poor cats, ate breakfast, had a shower, and went to bed. I don't know if I have been this happy to be home in my entire life!

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Home at Last!

Thank god I'm home again!  I thought I would never be able to leave the hospital!

I'll write about all tomorrow.

                                    I'm too exhausted now ....

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Bloody Hell! Not Again!

I had quite a nice day up until right now.

Breakfast, wash-up, get dressed, pat the cats.  And then, Simone and I went out on this beautiful spring day to do some errands.  I mailed some membership packages, bought toothpaste (on sale), and got a salad for dinner.  We even had time to go sit in the courtyard of College Park and drink frappuccinos.

I even finished another painting!  Yay for me!

I was perfectly happy until dinner.  Will chicken always be my downfall, my Kryptonite?  I took one bite and could feel the nasty little bird lodge snugly into my esophagus. 

Bastard!

Now, I will spend the evening trying to move the blockage, and thus, avoid going to the hospital.

I'll let you know how everything turns out ....

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

My Pitch

My friend Leon and I (as well as Sherry and Michael, who I don't know as well)  have been collaborating on this idea for a TV show for three years.  The main character would be someone like me, someone with CP and who is non-speaking.

Today, Leon, Sherry, and I went "Pitch Boot Camp?' on the Ryerson campus to learn how to sell our TV show idea to the 2013 Innoversity Pitch Competition, which is happening next week.

I wrote the following, and I used my "Speak It!" app on my iPad to read it out for me:


It’s weird having a disability.  I’m faced with so many contradictions within my daily life. I am unable to speak, and yet I’ve been called an excellent communicator. My late husband Rob used to say, “Anne, for someone who can’t speak you sure do talk a lot!”  And it’s true, I do talk a lot! I write speeches, compose my daily blog, and give interviews to different factions of the media.  I do this because to society I am invisible. The general public has no idea what my life is like because a person like myself is rarely seen in the media or portrayed in movies or TV.   Because of this fact, people have a lot of crazy misconceptions about who I am and what I’m like.  I’ve been labeled as “slow”, “fragile”, “deaf”, and “asexual” – none of which is true! And sure, this type of thing upsets me sometimes, but I also use people’s attitudes to my advantage. For instance, when people assume that I’m deaf or not too bright, I play the part and just sit as if I can’t hear anything, but all the while soaking up people’s conversations.  There was one time when I was in  the airport coming home from England, and one of the airlines workers was frantically trying to get me off the plane as quickly and gently as possible. He kept saying “Easy now, this woman is very fragile.” Because I was grateful that he was trying to speed the process along, I didn’t tell him that I had the upper body strength of a body builder, and could possibly break his nose without even trying!


Leaving Normal, in my opinion, would be a great way to show diversity, a way to show viewers that somebody with my type of disability, or any disability, has the same hopes, dreams and desires as anybody else. And, because the main character is constantly being underestimated, this is an excellent way for her to solve mysteries, because nobody pays attention to a person in a wheelchair.

 The people in charge seemed to really like my contribution, and, indeed, suggested that I go first when the four of us do our presentation next Tuesday.

I don't know where this will lead - if anywhere - but it sure is exciting!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Overwhelmed

I feel emotionally overwhelmed, as well as overwhelmed by all the things I need to do today, so, excuse me, but I need to get stuff done and sort out my mind ....

What kind of person asks a perfect stranger (me) how their husband died?!?! What's wrong with some people??????????

Monday, May 13, 2013

Happy Birthday, Sweety



Today would have been Rob's 50th birthday.  So, to honour him, I had a party in his name and invited all of our friends.

I bought all of Rob's favourite foods:  KFC, pizza, chocolate cupcakes, scotch, and beer.











I played all of Rob's favourite music too on YouTube: Zappa (of course), Kim Mitchell, Max Webster, Rush, Chilliwack, Queen, The Tubes, Amanda Marshal, etc.

At the end of the night, I put my favourite video, dedicated to my sweet Rob.  Here`s the link to it:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hozrwg8qi8s

Rob, there are no words in any language that can convey just how much I love and miss you!!!  You were and always will be the love of my life ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3M6T-NFUFo

Sunday, May 12, 2013

A Difficult Mother's Day

Today was Mother's Day.  I had wanted desperately to ignore this fact, but TV and email ads refused to let me forget.

Indeed, my subconscious was in on this conspiracy too.

Rarely do I ever take naps.  However, perhaps because I've been over-extending myself lately, I woke up absolutely exhausted this morning and decided to go back to bed after breakfast.

I woke up sobbing from a bad dream.  I was on a bus with my family and we were all watching YouTube videos of Mom's life.  (Before I had gone to sleep, I watched a music video with Lucy called "I'm an Adult Now".)  I began to cry and cry, and I said, "No, no! Mom can't be dead! Who's going to go with me to Tim Hortons now?"  Bruce started yelling at me, saying things like I shouldn't embarrass them again.

That's when I woke up.  After I stopped crying and calmed down, I texted Bruce and asked him how he was doing.  He told me that he and the kids had gone to the cemetery to visit Mom's ashes and to see the plaque that said:  "She was  never bored ...."  We had a nice chat, and although I knew that Bruce and the kids missed Mom too, it was comforting to know that I wasn't alone in my sadness.

We all love and miss you, Mom ....

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Eleven Dollar Day

I don't have much to say.  I only made $11.00 at the market today.

Motria just left. We shared a pizza and watched Law & Order SVU, The Office, and Bones.  That was fun!  I love Motria!

However, seeing so many Mother's Day ads on TV and in  spam is doing my head in.  I think I'll distract myself and do some work.

I love you, Mom!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Typical Friday Night STRESS

I had a pretty good day.  I chatted with my lovely niece Michelle, had coffee with my friend Laura, and had dinner with Yuula.  Oh, and the guy from Motion Specialties cane to put new batteries in my wheelchair.  Thank god! No more worrying about my batteries failing me while I'm out.

Now, however, I'm faced with so many tasks: doing the scheduling for my employees, updating my finances, getting my art and merch ready for the market, and ordering more cards.

Like Mom used to say: "No rest for the wicked ...."

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Reconnecting

Today has been a great day for communication: texting, emailing, phoning, and just plain conversing face to face.

Brittainy had the morning shift today. Brittainy is one of my newer employees, and I like her a lot.  She's very perky and positive.

Throughout these past seven years of having Direct Funding, a lot of my employees have come and gone.  Along the way, I have told them stories of abuse at the hands of attendants, not just to me but to other people, and not just from the places where I received these services but all attendant agencies across the board.

Physical, psychological, financial, and sexual abuse continues to happen every day to people with disabilities from those who are supposed to offer them support.

Brittainy was, of course, horrified by these stories, even more so when I told her that people who manage these agencies rarely side with the clients in matters of disputes. Many rights of disabled people are trampled on without any thought or care. My poor friend Aaron was told by management that attendants did not have to communicate with him by using his communication board because it was within their rights not to talk to him.

And then I told Brittainy how my friend Lamia had worked for an agency that provided me with attendant services for eight years.  Lamia came in towards the latter part of my involvement with these bastards and Lamia advocated many times on my behalf.

The system is so horribly warped that before attendants can be hired they have to sign a contract stating that they never can go to the media about what goes on. I guess Lamia did not read the fine print because they were instrumental in helping me go to The Star and expose the abuse. When the agency confronted them, Lamia said, "I don't care if you fire me, I quit!"

That made me feel so compelled to text Lamia and reconnect with them and find out how they were doing.  Life has been so hectic and nuts for both of us, that it was difficult to stay in contact.  So we texted back and forth, and I am very happy to say that they are going to try to come to Rob's 50th birthday celebration.

And then I got an email from my friend Laura whom I haven't  seen in ages.  I am so happy that we are going to have coffee at Tim Hortons tomorrow.

Plus, as soon as I went outside to go shopping this evening, I met Heather whom I haven't seen in ages.  We promised to email each other and set a date to get together.

And now I am watching videos with Dobrila and drinking beer. Cheers! To cool, great, fantastic, brilliant friends!

This is how life is supposed to be.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

A Better Day All Around

I'm in a better frame of mind today.  The dark clouds are lifting from my brain.

(Outside, however, dark clouds are gathering for a thunder storm, according to the weather forecast.)

I've been busy!  I started a new painting, designed and ordered new greeting cards, made some phone calls, wrote emails, bought groceries, and treated myself to a peppermint mocha frappuccino.

Practically everywhere I went, friends and acquaintances stopped to chat with me, and I could hear Mom say, "Annie, going out with you is like going out with a celebrity!"

Yes, today was a good day.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Just Call Me Scarlett O'Hara

I love Gone With the Wind, both the book and the movie.

There are some pretty kick-ass quotes from that too.  For example:

Rhett:"Why, all we have is cotton and slaves and arrogance."

Rhett: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Scarlett:  "As God is my witness, as God is my witness, the Yankees aren't going to lick me. I'm going to live through this, and when it's over, I'm never going to be hungry again. No, nor any of my folks. If I have to steal or kill - as God is my witness, I'm never going to be hungry again.'

Scarlett: "After all, tomorrow is another day!"

Scarlett: "I won't think of it now. I can't stand it now. I'll think of it later."

I remember the look of horror and disappointment on my father's face when I told him that I liked this last quotation.   "I didn't think you were that type of person, Annie!"

I looked back at my father with a similar expression of horror and disbelief. Was he actually thinking that I like to procrastinate, me who got all my homework done weeks ahead of anybody else? My father misunderstood me! I only meant that at certain times when life overwhelms you it's good to step back and think of other thinks it's away of protecting your mental health.

Ever since Sunday, when Bruce and I were at our Mother's place for the whole day, I've been feeling like I need to avoid some things that would maybe worsen my emotional state of mine. So, I've been screening calls and listening to music that drowns out the sad music in my head.

This Sunday is Mother's Day and I know it's going to be very hard for me. I will probably toast a drink to Mom, but that's all; I can't do any more than that this year. It would just break my heart.

But, as Scarlett O'Hara would say, "Tomorrow is another day ...."  I know my grief will subside and I'll be able to deal with everything in a few days.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Sorry

I'm just too full of emotional to write today.

I'll distract myself by painting and listening to tunes ....

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Utterly Exhausted

My brother Bruce and I spent most of the day at our mother's condo.  We sorted through tea cups and saucers, paintings and ornaments, and photos - lots and lots of photos! 

It was fun and fascinating to look through photos of our parents and grandparents as kids, even babies.  It was also mind-blowing being in our parents' condo without their presence, seeing them, picture by picture, growing up before our eyes, knowing that at that time they were young and had their whole lives ahead of them.

I enjoyed spending time with Bruce, but it was bitter sweet as I wished Mom had been there as well. She would have been so happy to see us getting along so well.

The heat was unbearable in Mom's condo, and I think this contributed to my physical and emotional exhaustion.  I had been there today for ten hours, and I think I did pretty well reining in my feelings of sadness.  It wasn't until l was in Mom's bedroom and bathroom that I felt suddenly overwhelmed by these feelings. 

I'm sure Bruce did not detect any change in my mood; I'm very good at hiding my feelings when I need to.  As he showed me calendars, books, articles, which were either created by me or written about me, that Mom had collected over the years and kept in a special place, I felt both happy and sad.  It's wonderful that I had such a sweet mother who loved and treasured everything I had done.  And yet, would anyone ever love me like that again?

It was truly a bitter sweet day.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Pen Day

Today was Pen Day.  Everybody and their brothers bought my pens.  Sure, a few people bought cards, but most were drawn to my pens.

A few weeks ago, it was Magnet Day.  People mostly bought my magnets.

Who decides on these things?  Is there a committee?  Couldn't there be a Painting Day?  I'd love it if people bought all, or most, of my paintings one day.  It would make me absolutely ecstatic!

I can dream, can't I ...?

Friday, May 3, 2013

A Never-ending To Do Check List

To Do:

Have someone from Motion Specialties come in and look at my wheelchair - check
Phone bank about late deposit - check
Run errands and stop for a mocha/peppermint frappucino - check
Choose ensemble for tomorrow at market - check
Make a Facebook party invite to celebrate what would have been Rob's 50th birthday - check

Still to Do:

Do the payroll
Design and order cards for Dandy Membership
Finish painting "Oyster in the Snow"
Take painkillers and Lorazepam so I can sleep tonight without interruption


I may or may not write tomorrow because I plan on coming home from the market, gulping down dinner, and then going to the Horseshoe Tavern to see Simone and The Highest Order play.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Tired

I'm both physically and emotionally tired tonight.

This afternoon I went to see my counselor. That was hard and, yet, good. I keep learning a lot about myself.

And then I went home and wrote emails and went back out to join the May Day demonstration. I wanted to go on the actual march but it took time setting up and reading speeches, by the time they were ready to go I was ready to go home and meet Motria. But at least I showed my solidarity by my appearance.

At home Motria, Dobrilla and I ate pizza and drank beer, and watched Law & Order. We also looked on the internet for the best airfare to go to New York City. It looked complicated but doable. I wanted to go to New York City for Rob's 50th birthday and see David Letterman while I was there. Rob used to love watching his show every night.

I thought it would be simple enough to go to the website and order tickets but there's so much ridiculous red tape. You have to order tickets in person one month in advance and you have to fill out forms and show your passport. Not only that, you have to answer a skill testing question about the show! What is he? The King of England? Why must viewers jump through hoops to see his show? Well, viewers in New York City have it easy, the just have to fill out the forms and anytime they want. What's fair about that?

So I've decided not to go to New York City at this time; instead I'll have a big party for Rob's 50th birthday. I'll have KFC and pizza and beer and scotch! And maybe I'll play David Letterman in the background. Of course, Frank Zappa will also sing!

Rob would have liked that.