Monday, March 31, 2014


What an incredibly beautiful day!  It was both sunny and temperate.  I didn't even feel too eccentric going home from College Park!

I was going to paint today, but I never got around to it ....

The treasure hunt keeps going on (and on and on and on!) in the quest to finally get the inheritance settled.  Mom's accountant told me that her taxes need to be paid before my brother and I could get a Clearance Certificate from the CRA to finally divide everything up between us.  I went to two banks this afternoon, and, I won't bore you with the details, but the quest continues!

On the brighter side, I got more art/business supplies, plus I had prints made of some of my paintings.  The new manager at The Printing House said he loves my art and wants to help me display my work.  That makes me feel happy!

Despite the slight setback with the inheritance, I feel happy and hopeful about my future.  Although, maybe I'm just giddy with Spring Fever ....

Sunday, March 30, 2014


Yesterday was kind of up and down.  You know, some parts were good, some were ok, and some were frustrating and hard.

Although the market was slow, it wasn't bad.  I made $88.00 - not too bad for early sping!

There was more styrofoam art.  Laura drew this picture of me sleeping on the job.  Apparently, while Laura was in the bathroom, I had fallen asleep and a customer, who Laura had previously talked to, had taken one of my tote bags and left $20.00 beside me.  I had literally made a sale in my sleep!

We finished one crossword puzzle (ironically it was labeled "The Artist Within") and two cryptoquips.  That was fun!

After the market, I met Motria at Hot House for dinner.  As usual, the food was delicious and it was great to hang out with Motria!

I invited her back to my place, and we rented Saving Mr. Banks from iTunes and snacked upon leftover chocolate cake from the restaurant.

Both Motria and I really enjoyed the movie.  It was so interesting!  I had no idea that Mary Poppins was loosely based upon the author's life.

The movie brought up a lot of memories for both of us ... but more for me, I think.

I remember seeing Mary Poppins with my mother when I was a child, as well as watching The Wonderful World of DisneyPinocchio was my favourite Disney movie, although I also like The Sword in the Stone and I have a vivid memory of putting bubbles on my chin and pretending I was Merlin the Sorcerer.

So many memories filled my head, overwhelming me, making me wish that I had a time machine so I could go back to see my parents again and experience that child-like innocence once more.

And speaking of tumultuous, difficult memories, I was reminded today that this is the anniversary of the death of my friend Aaron Shelbourne.

Bloody hell, I miss Aaron so much! He was gutsy, outrageous, funny, erasible, and totally unforgettable.

I miss you, Aaron!  Wherever you are, I hope you're having lots of sex!  I love you!

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Sore, Tired, Computer Problems


Friday, March 28, 2014

Don't Stop Me Now!

As is my wont, as I work I'm listening to my favourite playlist:  Anne Rocks Out!

I'm on a roll: emails, texts, employees' scheduling -  everything is getting done fast and easy, just the way I like it!

Like Queen says, "Don't Stop Me Now!"

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Weird Dream

God I had the wierdest dream this afternoon! Yuula and the osteopath had left, and I was all alone. So, I went into my bedroom to pat the cats, and I dozed off.

My dream started out with Carla and the factory women from Coronation Street being my attendants. I was drawing, sitting on the floor like I used to do years ago.

I heard a sad song on the radio, and I started cying because it's a song about lost love.

Carla started to put me in my wheelchair, but as she does so the wheelchair and my TV start falling apart.  However, I didn't care about the condition of my chair, and I went out into the freezing rain, still crying.

Suddenly, Sherlock was beside me, telling me, "Go back, who will give Hershey his pill?" I told him I wanted to go and stop all of the sad songs and write some myself, some happy ones.

 And then, this old woman kept blocking my way, making me fall into a ditch over and over again.

 Bloody weird, I'd say!  I wonder what it all means ....

Dare I Say It? Part II

Hmm, I guess I shouldn't have tempted fate by saying that my pain was better, because this morning it's bad again.  Not terrible but sorer than yesterday.

Oh well, another person is coming this afternoon to give me another osteopathy treatment.  Maybe it'll ease my pain - or get rid of it, forever!

I can only hope!

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Dare I Say It?

I woke up and swung my legs over the side of the bed this morning, and was amazed that I felt little or no pain in my groin and thigh.  (Neck and right shoulder, sure, but I'm used to those sudden sharp pains!)

Hope swelled up inside of me, as it had many times before.  Was my painfully disabilitating groin actually getting better, or was I kidding myself?

In the afternoon I got on my bed again for my osteopathy treatment, and almost immediately I felt the groin pain come back full force as I lay on my back. However, when my cushions were put in position the pain subsided.

Mom always said I was the most stubborn and determined person she'd ever met, and she was right! I do feel like my groin pain is gradually getting better (knock on wood!) but even if it gets bad again, I'm determined to find ways to combat it.

During my treatment I had Lady GaGa's song "Do What You Want With My Body" going through my head (it's still playing over and over again!)

I have a lot of thoughts about that song. I like it, it's good to groove to, and I know she's directing the lyrics to the media, saying "you can't have my mind or my heart, but you can take pictures of me and interview me." That's good, sure! However, I am concerned that jerky sexist people might take it literally, and that would be disastrous, because they might take it as an open invitation for rape.

Personally, in my mind I like to change the lyrics to "You can't do everything with my body" and make it into a victory song, directing it at Tobias House and Participation House, saying "see, you  bastards don't have control over my body, mind and heart anymore!"

See? I am determined! After years and years of abuse, I finally got out of that nightmare.  Nobody has total control over my body except me, and that's how it should be!

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Spring is Coming!

Spring is coming!  I can feel it in my bones.  Sure, it's still bloody cold out, but at least it's sunny and not depressing-no-will-to-live gray!

And, with Lucy's assitance I did some spring cleaning in the kitchen. Wow!! So many old food products, some were from '08! And there were some bugs in an old cookie tin. Yuck!

As I sat in my Chippendales nightgown I instructed Lucy to make things neater in the living room too. Like me, Lucy loves to organize things.

Last week I felt so tired and depressed, but this week I feel full of energy and happiness. (I also feel stressed out sure, let's not get crazy here!!)

Spring must be coming! (I hope.)

Monday, March 24, 2014

The Need to Paint

It's been a stressful, topsy-turvy day, and I really need to paint to get things off of my mind.

Please excuse me while I create  ....!

Sunday, March 23, 2014

One of Those Weird and Wonderful Days Part II

So, I tried to finish yesterday's post in bed on my iPad, but due to technical difficulties, it just wasn't possible.

Here, now, is Part II of One of Those Weird and Wonderful Days:

If somebody can declare yesterday Water Day, I'm going to declare today Chocolate Day.  I'm doing this to honour one of my regular customers who gave me a bagful of my favourite chocolate bars - Aero!  Who am I kidding?  I'm also making this declaration because I love chocolate!

It was a wonderful surprise as well that old friends - people I hadn't seen in months, or even years! - came to see me and chat for awhile.

All in all, it was a weird and wonderful day!

Saturday, March 22, 2014

One of Those Weird and Wonderful Days

Today was one of those weird and wonderful days at the market.  It started out mostly weird in the beginning, though.

First, because Sarah was a bit late meeting me at the market, two of the other vendors offered to assist me in taking off my winter coat.  That was very kind and thoughtful of them, of course.  However, when they took off my coat, out fell the cushion for my back.  Like most people who don't know how to assist me they started to panic.   One person took me by the forearms and leaned me forward while the other tried to position the way she thought it should be placed.  Because my arms were being held, I couldn't use my communication board to explain to them how I wanted my cushion position. When I finally did break free of their grasping hands and pointed to "I'm fine" on my board, one person said, "Oh poor dear, she's just humouring us to make us feel better. Let's try again!" Fortunately, Sarah came soon afterwards, and I told her to assure them that I really was fine.

A few minutes later, a man who obviously knew me but who I couldn't place at all, talked to me for the longest five minutes ever, and left.  Seconds later, a woman came by and wished me a Happy Water Day before quickly disappearing into the crowd.  (Water Day? Is there such a thing? Is there a Land Day and a Sky Day too?)

And then,  my regular customers started showing up to chat and bring me gifts.  The crossiant/muffin man gave me (and Sarah) a bag of crossiants   A customer, who is also an artist, gave me a bag of water-based oil paint - I'm dying to try them!  The man who gave me five packets of keetchup a few weeks ago, tried to give me the hat he was wearing today. I told him no,  thank you.  (I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere!)

To be continued ....

Friday, March 21, 2014

Another Busy Friday

It's another busy Friday, and I'm too busy to write.

However, tomorrow is another day, and I promise to regale you all with tales from the St. Lawrence Market ....

Until then, here are my boys -

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Sweet Hershey

On the first day of spring, I took Hershey to the vet's for blood work. About three months ago, maybe four, I found out he had a problem with his thyroid. The vet explained that a lot of older cats get it, but with medication it's usually no problem.

Well the pills were almost gone and I had to get them refilled, so when I did the vet said you need to bring Hershey in for blood work. The vet said he just wanted to check how the medication is working.

Lucy got him into the carrier no problem, and although he struggled and wiggled as I carried him on my communication board, he was very good. Hershey is such a sweet cat - both my boys are! And, of course, I bought them new toys as a reward!

All in all, it wasn't a bad experience - well, not for me anyway! (Hershey definitely wasn't happy about his trip to see the vet.) And yet, memories kept popping into my mind, times when both Rob and I took Dandylion to the vet. It was hard back then because I was on ODSP, and hardly able to feed Rob and myself, let alone pay vet bills. And, as Dandylion got older he needed more health care and medications. Because I am who I am, I still sometimes feel pangs of guilt for putting off vet visits, and yet my fury for ODSP balances my guilt out.

I hate ODSP so much, and I hate our government, too, for letting people with disabilities live way below the poverty line. I'm very sure that a lot of people who work for ODSP or the provincial government would say, "well, people on fixed incomes shouldn't have pets anyway!" Bastards!!! They think we should live on the bare minimum, no TV, no movies, and no pets. Maybe they should just put people in monasteries! (But the life of a monk has never been for me - give me my animals, my TV, and my booze, please!)

The Raise the Rates campaign is having demonstrations this weekend in several areas of Ontario, and that's brilliant! People are going to voice their outrage at not having a living wage, and not being heard by the government, even though we've been protesting for years about the same thing. It feels so maddening and frustrating that the government doesn't even acknowledge our collective voice!

For weeks I've been debating whether to go to the demonstration or not. The thing is, I work on Saturday, and the main demonstation is on that day. I want and I need to make money, and yet I want and I need to make my voice heard! Hmmm... maybe both - I am Super Anne, you know!

Maybe Hershey can be my sidekick - Humongous Hershey!

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The Highlights of My Day

I knew I had so many over-ripe bananas in my pantry, so I asked Simone to use them up in a banana cake. She had the great idea of adding Toblerone to the mix and I had another great idea of melting boozy chocolates and putting it over the cake like icing.

I love it! So does Dobrila and Lucy and Simone. I wonder if I could sell it and make a million dollars. Hmmm...

And then, in the evening, Dobrila and I had pizza, cake and wine. It has been a yummy and fun day, and I am in a vey good mood!

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Training Day

I had another training day with Maddie.  Today she did 75% of the hands on stuff; Simone did the rest.

Later on today, I had a new osteopath person to come and give me a treatment.  Since she had never given me a treatment at home before, I had to also train her.   I had to show her how I lay with my back with three pillows under me and explain that when I say "yes" without my communication board I raise my right hand.

It seems like all my life I've been training people.  Pretty much right from the start, I had to train my parents and my brother.  Later on I had to do the same with friends and camp counselors, and doctors and nurses, and then, unfortunately, attendants.

Today I was thinking that I wish I could just insert a computer chip in everyone so that they knew how to interact with me.

Luckily, my favorite attendant is an android ....

Monday, March 17, 2014


Sorry, folks.  My guts are annoyingly blaaaaaaaaaaah!  I'm ill ....

I'm going to chill out, listen to my playlist, and then watch The Walking Dead.  It sounds like just what the doctor ordered!

I'll write tomorrow ....  Hopefully, I'll feel better by then!

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Tired of Technology

I love technology, I hate technology.  I love technology, I hate technology.

When technology works it's wonderful. It enables me to keep in touch with friends and family; run my two businesses efficiently; and, most importantly, it helps me to be more independent.

When technology doesn't work, it is extremely annoying and frustrating! It can also be rather scary to know that if the technological problem doesn't get resolved, my life as I know it may become shrunken down considerably - and for god knows how long!

Today was a bad technology day.  First, my iPad wouldn't recognize my WIFI network, so I had to make it "forget" the network and then "remember" it again.  And then, my laptop wouldn't connect to the internet.  "Technical Difficulties" followed me all day long.  I barely got any work done because of this!  Knock on wood, I think, hopefully, everything is back in working order now ....

I love technology, I hate technology.  I love technology, I hate technology.  I love technology, I hate technology.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Much Better Than Ketchup!

Today was one of the best market days in the longest time!

Lucy and I trained Maddie do the market shift.

I thought Maddie did very well, and the three of us had fun talking to customers and selling my artwork.

Perhaps it was because of the Spring-like weather, or perhaps it was because of our three cheerful faces, but we were very busy - I even made over $80.00! A lot of my regular customers, who I hadn't seen in ages, came to see me and buy my merchandise.  One woman said she's considering asking me to paint a portrait of her calico cat Lucy.  And, another customer renewed her Dandy Note Card Membership.


And, my usual regular customer gave me more tulips and six mini Aero bars.

All in all, a very good market day!

Friday, March 14, 2014

Wrong Date!

Bloody hell!  Please mentally insert yesterday's post here.  I thought yesterday was the 14th, but today is.

Oh well, at least I can toast Dad again!

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Remembering Dad, and Everyone Else

Today was the 15th anniversary of my father's death. In between doing my usual work and having my osteopathy treatment, I thought about Dad. During dinner, I even toasted to his memory. He loved Manhattans, but all I had was Scotch and Coke. Sorry, Dad! Oh yeah, you also liked Tom Collins, too.

In so many ways we were a lot alike, and in other ways we were nothing alike. Whenever I'm tidying up, or I deal with my finances with great care, I think of you - I definitely inherited your OCD, and I thank you for it!

I just finished a painting of Rob and Dandylion, and I feel like I want to paint a portrait of you next. I would definitely have to put your pipe in your mouth, and have you wearing your tennis whites. You seemed happiest when you were either smoking your pipe or playing tennis.

I found these photos yesterday and they bring me joy, sadness, and a sense of wonder.  So many people I've known and loved; so many years have passed; there have been so many different versions of everyone, including myself.  Sometimes life seems to be just one big illusiion ....

One thing I'm sure is not an illusion, however, and that is love.

I love you, Dad, and I miss you!  I hope you're eating fish and chips, and drinking Manhattans ....

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday, while Sarah was trimming my hair -

and she did a fabulous job, too! - I showed her an episode of a BBC series called Heartbeat.

It's about this small farming town in Britain, and it takes place in the 60's. Mom, Dad, (and even Rob) and I used to love watch the quirky characters every week and see how the mystery unfolded. One of my friends gave me a postcard of the hunky cop from the show.  After 16 years it still resides on my fridge.

Later on in the evening, I painted until 3am.  I'm 99% finished!

Perhaps it was because I had worked strenuously until 3am, or maybe it was because I woke up to more snow and ugly gray weather, whatever it was it made me so exhausted I had to have a nap in the afternoon. My two boys very generously kept me company as I slept!

Now, I have so much energy! Woo hoo! I'll either finish my painting, or work on my emails. However, I'll try not to stay up until 3am again!

God, I hope tomorrow isn't grey and snowy and cold. Mother Nature, get a grip... or take a Lorazepam!

Monday, March 10, 2014


Today I fed my cats their breakfast ....

And then, I bouught a tomato to put on my left-over pizza ....

In the afternoon, I had a snack at Starbucks with Sarah, Maddie, and Lucy.  Fun!

Now, I'm going to paintt!

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Spring Fever?

Do I have early onset Spring Fever?  Am I overtired?  Am I coming down with a cold?

I don't know ....

I've replied to emails, updated my finances and employees' schedules, replaced my old phones with new ones, and chatted with my brother and aunt.

Now, to chase away the blahs, I'm listening to my Anne Rocks Out playlist on YouTube.

Headpins:  "Don't it make you feel like dancing?  Don't it make you feel alright?"

Yeah! It sure does!

Saturday, March 8, 2014


It wasn't a bad market day.  I received two muffins, three boozy chocolates, and five packets of ketchup.

Ketchup?  Yes, Ketchup! I've gotten some pretty weird gifts before, but this has to be the weirdest to date!  Still, I smiled and accepted the packets graciously.

As for actual profits, I made $55.00 - not too bad!  It certainly was better than a kick in the butt!

I also got to wear my new dress, which I couldn't do last Saturday.  Yay!  Wearing such a bright and colourful dress made me feel like I was attemting to coax Spring out of its hiding place.

I'm tired ....

Bed now.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Eccentric Artist

All my life people have called me eccentric. I always laugh at this and wonder how I can top myself!  By being "eccentric", I believe that I'm challenging societal boundaries, as well as my own barriers/fears.

Wearing my painting clothes 99% of the time; painting many, many pictures of myself naked; pushing  myself to physical, mental, and emotional limits; baring all of my feelings of frustration, anger, love, sadness with my blog posts, speeches, and art - this is why I've been labeled as "eccentric".

Usually, labels tend to limit and damage a person's psyche.  However, I feel as if this one label gives me the freedom to seek out and try new things amd embrace new ideas.

Yuula thought it was hysterically funny that I went outside today without any coat or poncho on when it was only one degree.

Believe me, I've done WAY MORE "out there" stuff in my lifetime ....

And, hopefully, I'll continue with my eccentric ways!

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Preparing to Paint

Painting safety measures! Step 1: put bandana on, make sure all hair is covered!

Painting safety measures step 2: put shower cap over bandana. Make sure ears are covered and no hair sticking out

Painting safety measures step 3: remove necklace!

And begin painting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Another Counselling Day

Today was another counselling day for me. It was a hard one this time.

I feel on edge and fragile.  Push me one way I might cry uncontrollably.  Push me another way I might laugh hysterically and suck my thumb.

Tomorrow I'll be better.

Right now, here are some pictures my friend Jeff Bierk took of pieces of my life ....


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Cats in Boxes, Coronation Street, and MORE Snow

I woke up in a good mood today, and yet I slowly felt my spirits dip.  My cats made me smile, and  "Coronation Street" was quite titilating ....  And yet, the snowy gloom of the day was like an anchor tied to my heart.

Everything seemed ten times worse than it really was.  I had so much work to do,, so many things to figure out too - it boggled my mind!  I was fed up with all my aches and pains too.

Grumble, grumble, grumble ....

And then, I got a confirmation for an appointment at an osteopath clinic on Thursday afternoon.  I'm hoping so hard that it will get rid of my pain - even if it's considerably better (75%) I'd be happy!

And, as I'm writing this now, I just received a text from Nick saying he might be able to borrow a pick-up truck this weekend and bring my mother's cabinet back here - weather allowing!  This makes me happy; I was wondering how I could rent a moving van and who could drive it for me.  Now, I don't have to worry about that anymore.  It's one thing off my plate.

I was listening to my playlist Anne Rocks Out awhile ago, and now I have Queen's Don't Stop Me Now! in my head.

I feel happy again!

Monday, March 3, 2014

A Mom Kind of Day

Mom used to sing songs to me when I was growing up, and even as an adult she would treat me to a serenade.  Mom wasn't the best singer but neither was she was the worst.  I miss hearing her sing Bicycle Built for Two, Baby Face, Ain't Misbehavin', It's a Great Big Wonderful World etc ....

When Dobrila accidentally gave me a Gravol during dinner, I heard Mom singing in my head Sleepy-time Girl.  I knew that this drug would soon knock me out, so I had to do my work fast.

I can't believe I'm still awake, but I guess it's because I had to deal with some things and that woke up my mind.  For one thing, my friend Nick was supposed to bring a cabinet from Mom's place, but it was four inches too big to fit in his van. 

Bloody hell!  I was really looking foward to geting that big lovely cabinet.  It would have reminded me of Mom, Dad, and of simpler times gone by.

Memories are funny things.  They can either give you immense joy or they can break your heart into a billion pieces.  Sometimes it can be a combination of both.

Dobrila and I went to Starbucks for an afternoon snack, but it was too cold and drafty because people kept opening the door.  So, we sought warmth at College Park.  Our seat overlooked the bag/luggage store where Mom had first had signs of having heart problems.  (Ten years ago, Mom collapsed in that store and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance.)  As Dobrila ate and chatted, a friend of mine came over and asked how I was doing.  I explained to her that my brother and I were still tangled up in the web of our mother's estate, and that we were both terribly frustrated!

Sometimes I like the feeling of nostalgia when I go to to College Park, and yet, other days I just can't stand all of the reminders that Mom is actually gone.  The latter, as you can imaging, describes how I felt today.  It's hard to get all of the sadness out of my head.

Grief, I feel, is like the ebb and flow of the seas and like the changing of the seasons.  It can be warm and serene or unexpectedly frigid and tumulturous.  And, just like the seasons and the weather changes, people who are in mourning have to learn how to deal with their intense and fluctuating moods everyday.

I love you, Mom, and I miss you ....

Bed now!

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Saturday, March 1, 2014

This Brilliant, Fantastic Outfit Will Have to Wait Until Next Week

I was going to wear this outfit today at the market, but one of my employees got ill and I couldn't find anybody else to fill in for her on such short notice. 

So, I went back to sleep until 2pm.

Unfortunately, when I woke up I felt kind of ill myself.  (Can you catch something from texting with them? Naaaaaaaaaaaw, probably not.)  Having had lunch and a few drops of Oil of Oregano, I feel a bit better.

And, since I'm home, I'm going to get some things out of the way, like, updating my employees' schedule and my personal finances; edit artwork and make more merch from it; add more items to my website; and, if I have the time and energy - paint!