Sunday, June 29, 2014

Hot & Tired

Bloody hell I'm tired.

Bloody hell I'm hot - or I was hot out enjoying the Pride festivities.

Did I say "enjoying"?  Well, sort of ....   I'll explain tomorrow!  Right now, I need to relax, kick back, and watch Orange is the New Black ....

Saturday, June 28, 2014

A Marketless Saturday

I had my clothes all laid out on my bed yesterday. They were cat approved.

And, if I do say so myself, I looked gorgeous in them today!

I didn't go to the market today.  It just wasn't in the cards for me to do this.  Instead, I slept in, had brunch, and instructed Sarah to pimp up the sign on the back of my wheelchair that advertises my artwork, cards, merch, and membership.

For seventeen years, I've gone up and down Church St. during Pride weekend to sell my wares.  Unfortunately, I sold nothing today - but there's always tomorrow!

I did get to see Spock, Batman, and the Joker.  Who knew they were gay?!

Also, I saw the hot Trojan guys, which always makes me happy ... and horny!

Tomorrow is the big parade.  I'll make sure to take lots of pictures ....!

Friday, June 27, 2014


Today Hershey looks adorable in his new box.

And, World Pride has started in my backyard.  Woo-hoo!

In other news, still no closing sale for the condo.  Bleh.

However, I'm going to put all of this shit out of my head, and work a little, drink some, and enjoy myself a lot! Also I'm going to join in all the Pride festivities.

Woo-hoo! HAPPY PRIDE!!!

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Cleaning Up the Mess

I had a fabulous time last night at the Underwear Show at Cafe California - it was so much fun!  The food was delicious, the performers were hot, and there were cool prizes too!

Lucy won a gift basket, filled with chocolates, teas, crackers, and a bottle of white wine and a bottle of Amarula.  Very kindly, Lucy let me have the bottle of Amarula, some chocolates and crackers, and the actual basket in which everything came packaged up.

I was thrilled about the chocolates and the Amarula, sure, but I was even more so about the basket.  It enabled me tidy up and organize everything that's on my desk.  I always breathe a sigh of relief  when I'm able to organize at least a small corner of my life.  I guess it soothes my need to have some control, self-deternination, and orderliness in my life.

I slept in untiil 10am because I felt like I deserved an extra bit of rest.

Unfortunately, as always, real life came floodimg back as soon as I was fully awake.

 There was another delay in the sale of the condo.  The buyer decided go to a whole different mortgage company and have the condo re-appraised.  Bruce and I went along with this plan because we didn't want to have the deal fall through.  Hopefully, the re-appraisal of the condo and final closing won't be too long!

And so, life continues to go on and on ... and on and on and on ....   Whether it was breaking loose at Cafe California, or getting to sleep in, or perhaps I`m just used to this ridiculous situation - whatever it is, I feel equipped to deal with everything now.

Tomorrow, I send emails to my mom`s accountant re the CRA $30,000 tax bill, to my financial advisr Trevor re the progress of myRSDP account, and one to our lawyer re whether or not there`s a light at the end of the tunnel yet concerning the condo.

One way or another, this whole tangled mess will will get cleaned up.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Exorcizing That Bastard Mercury!

Oh my god, what a day!  Excuse my French, but today has been a shitty day! Mercury Retrograde reared its ugly head again.

First, I went to my greif counsellor, and that's always soul wrenching. However, I dealt with it as I usually do, by having a frappuccino and a brownie when I got home.

I had a nice text conversation with my brother. We joked and laughed and talked about the past. It was a real treat because recently it seems like our conversations circle around the delay of the condo sale.

I shouldn't have checked my email, but my gmail was open and I could see that I had a new message from my mother's accountant. I opened it and almost cried because he said Bruce and I would have to pay more money for her taxes, even though we had just finished paying a huge amount. Now, the CRA would want between $28,000 and $30,000! I'd explain but it's boring and complicated and frustrating.

As if that wasn`t enough, I got a text from our real estate agent saying the sale of the condo was delayed again! However, she said that there would be a possibility of compensation. That`s good, I said, will it maybe be around $30,000?

Well, at first I cried and yelled and cursed the bloody Mercury Retrograde, but then I pulled myself together and went to meet Brittainy and Lucy at the underwear show at Cafe California. We had planned on doing this for maybe two weeks, and there was no way I was going to cancel. Mercury Retrograde could eat my dust! I was going to exorcize this evil beast by having fun and enjoying myself with my friends.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Mercury Retrograde

I don't really believe in astrology, but I always know when Mercury Retrograde is happening. Things have been so stressful for me this month, and certain people (I won't name names) have been acting very erratically!  Plus, from the delays of the condo sale to the complications involved with my RDSP, things just haven't been going very well at all.

Today, I Google searched up Mercury Retrogade.  Sure enough, I found that the dates for this erratic, turbulent Mercury Retrograde coincide with the stressful times I've been having!

The website (  )  says the period is from June 7th to June 31st.  (I can't wait until July 1st!)  It also said:  "Mercury rules travel, communiques, deliveries, social exchanges, technology and other currents.  Disruptions to the schedule are blamed on trickster Mercury, leading to frustrations, a snowball effect of missed deadlines, misunderstandings and delays."   Sounds familiar, right?

And, interestingly enough, the website also said "... Mercury in Gemini is a potentially productive [time] for writers, journalists, educators, salespeople, bloggers, vloggers, artists..."  I have to smile at this because I posted a picture of my newest paintimg on Facebook -  I got seventeen "likes" and two serious offers to buy it!

Maybe Mercury Retrrograde isn't that bad after all ....

Monday, June 23, 2014

The Soothing Art of Painting

Today has been both good and bad for me.  For now, I want to forget all about the bad parts of the day and just focus on finishing my painting.

See you tomorrow ...

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Busy, Productive Sunday

It's been a busy and productive Sunday.

Alana had her second training shift this afternoon. She did so well that she earned both of the cats' stamp of approval and mine as well!

And, with Yuula's assistance, I got all of my membership packages essembled and ready to be mailed tomorrow.   That'a weight off of  my mind!

And, I've just begun a new painting, which I'm dying to get back to work on ....!

You'll never guess what's it's going to be.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Falling Apart

This will be a short post.  I have lots of pain in the usual places and I'm very tired.  Plus, as I'm waiting for Brittainy to come back with a Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino, my back cushion fell onto the floor and my dress is gradually falling off of me.

I had a good day, though!

I had a pretty busy day at the market. People were friendly, chatty, and bought a lot of things from me.  I think a lot of people were from out of town, visiting for the World Pride.

Oh, yay! Brittainy is back with a delicious Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino.

I'll write more tomorrow ....

Friday, June 20, 2014

Dancing on the Head of a Pin

February 11, 1999

Dancing on the Head of a Pin

I’m dancing on the head of a pin,
Trying to hide the fear within. 
I laugh, I grin,
I dance, I spin. 
Standing upright and tall,
I do my best not to topple and fall.
Repeatedly, they try to knock me over -
There’s no place for me to run for cover.
They pelt me with troubles and woes,
But I’m determined to stay steady on my toes. 
I dance...
          and dance...
                       and dance...
Trying to keep my balance. 
Sometimes I can’t stand it anymore,
Sometimes I want to simply hide and close the door.
Their aim is accurate, it hits its mark -
All I want is to sit and cry in the dark.
I trip and stumble,
I swear and grumble,
But, still, I do not tumble.
I never stop
                        Dancing like a top.
I can never give in
Because if I do, they will most certainly win.
And so I spin...
                        and spin...
                                        and spin...
Upon the head of a tiny pin,
Trying to hide the fear inside. 


                                                                   Anne Abbott 

I wrote this poem many years ago, when things were ... not great. I hated my life back then because I had so little control over what happened within the small confinement of space that I had been so generously allotted.

Get married?  Sure, but lose half of your disability pension.  You can live on your own, too, in an apartment with 24-7 assistant support -- except, you'll be forced to let attendants into your home every day who will abuse and humiliate you in ways you could never even imagine! You want to figjht back, improve your life?  Well, you can certainly try, but it'll be like trying to climb out of a deep pit slippery with oil and slime.

By pure determination and a whole lot of support from Rob and my friends, I finally did climb out of that scuzzy pit and got Direct Funding, which enables me to hire people who respect me and fire those who don't.

This morning, still in bed, I read texts from my brother who was fuming over the condo delays, and several texts from my employees who were soliciting my help in getting shifts covered. Feeling anxious about everything now, part of my poem entered my head:  "I’m dancing on the head of a pin. Trying to hide the fear within. I laugh, I grin. I dance, I spin. Standing upright and tall, I do my best not to topple and fall."  Sometimes when I feel extremely stressed out and overwhelmed, it pops into my head and I'm reminded why I wrote it in the first place.  I also remember that I'm the same strong, capable woman who succeeded in climbing out of that pit, and if I could do that I could bloody well do anything!

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Mixed Up

I feel totally mixed up.  Did somebody come and put me in one of those things that mixes cans of house paint really fast?  That sort of thing is good to get the perfect shade of paint for your living room, but not so good when it comes to a person's emotional state.

I feel happy and sad, angry and guilty, strong and weak, frustrated and fatalistic.

I also feel very pensive, thinking way too much.  Split in two, my mind keeps flipping back and forth from terribly worrisome world events to several multi-media artistic projects I yearn to work on.

This morning, I trained one more person to be another one of my employees.  I was happy that the training went so well, and yet felt that familiar tug of regret that Rob wasn't here to help me.

All week long, Bruce and I have daily reports of why the sale of of Mom's condo hasn't been finalized yet.  Tomorrow, the lawyers and bankers say.  No, no, some documeents weren't signed/filed, so it's actually going to tomorrow for sure!  And, if it's not tomorrow, it'll be at least the day after.


I feel disappointed, frustrated, resigned ... and, in a weird way, happy.  Logically, I want/need the money from the sale of the condo in order to survive.  Emotionally, the money will symbolize an inescapable truth and finality to the situation.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

A Better Day Than Yesterday

Welllllllllllllll, when I first began this post the title seemed apt. However, that was 2 hours ago and since then I've learned that the money from the condo will be delayed for the fourth time (I hate lawyers and bankers!)

Plus, I finally had time to try and set up my new printer, and all I had was trouble! The set-up CD took up so much space that I had to delete some of my programs. And then I found out that it didn`t come with a USB cable. Because of my late great computer geek husband I have a lot of USB cables, but none of them fit. I`m seriously considering taking the printer back. Whoever heard of leaving one important part out? Jeez!

Well, anyway, I feel suprisingly happy despite all this. I feel much better than I did yesterday. Plus, I always kind of dread the days when new trainees have their first solo shift. It takes a lot of patience which I'm mostly good at, plus it reminds me of how much I miss Rob. (He would always help with communication and act as a spotter for transfers.) I need not have worried about Marjie though. She did very well and I'm sure she will continue to improve as time goes on.

And speaking of cool, great, fantastic employees, Maddie just gave me a gift of peppermint Aero bar, which I melted on top of my Starbucks brownie.

Talk to you later. I'm going to eat my chocolate concoction.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014


I'm tired, stressed out, and not feeling very well. 

I'm taking a day off ....

Monday, June 16, 2014

New Printer Excitement

This morning I had another training shift with Marjie.  It went very well, which made us both happy.  I think she'll do great on Wednesday for her first solo shift.

In the afternoon, I interviewed another person for the position of personal assistant.  Her name is Alana, and we've been acquaintances for years because we both go to OCAP and have two mutual friend. My gut tells me that Alana will be an excellent employee.  Her first training shift is on Thursday.

Now, you'll have to excuse me while I set up and play with my new printer/scanner.  I bought it on sale today at The Source for $39.99.  Woo-hoo!

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Concerning Yesterday

It was a good day at the market yesterday ....

The vendor next to me told me he had just got some Zappa albums in stock. Knowing that I loved Frank Zappa, he offered me first choice.  If I could have I would have bought all six, but I could only afford one - Sheik Yerbouti!

My friend Larry and his friends from Indiana came to visit and chat with me for awhile. That was so nice!  Larry said that he'll visit me again in two weeks.  We've been friends for twelve years now.

Today, I've done tons of admin work; thought about Dad; went and got cat food, missed  Dad; treated myself to a peppermint mocha frappuccino; and conjured up all of the best memories I have of my dad.

Happy Father's Day, Dad!  I love you and miss you, and I'm going to toast to your memory in a few moments ....

Saturday, June 14, 2014

No Time!

Today was great, and I was going to write all about what happened but I still have a lot of work to get done.

Tomorrow, though - lots and lots of words will be written!

Friday, June 13, 2014

Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th, it came and went not with a bang but with a whimper.

This morning I contacted Geek Buddy to help me figure out a computer problem I'd been having since Firefox automatically updated its software.

Good side:  The problem got solved.
Bad side:  It took almost two hours before the problem got solved.  And, this fact made me miss Rob even more than usual.  Rob, I'm sure, would have fixed the problem in five minutes flat! Plus, the technician never gave me a reassuring hug or say, "Stop worrying, Sweety!  I'll fix the problem in a jiff!" 

(Hmm, maybe I'll suggest to Geek Buddy that they offer this as an extra service ....  I guess it would be difficult to do online, though ... at least the hugging part.)

I had more to say, but I also have tons of work I need to see to before I go to bed.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Is This a Week Long Friday the 13th?

What a week! To start off, I'm rather peeved at a relative of mine (I won't say who or why), and I was almost robbed twenty feet from my home yesterday.

( I was coming home from an extra hard counselling session, and I heard this voice say, "Hey, you dropped your jacket." So I stopped and she threw my jacket over my speech board, and then she immediately grabbed my money bag, but I blocked her hands from getting anything out. The incident happened in front of the highschool near my building. There were several teenagers sitting on the steps but nobody came to help me. Finally, I heard someone from behind me, "Hey! Leave her alone!" The woman didn't hesitate, she just calmly walked away as if nothing happened.)

And today I was training one of my new employees when the fire alarm went off in the building. The poor woman had a panic attack because she had recently been trapped in a burnung house. And then this evening I was expecting someone to come at 7 pm to help me go vote and eat dinner. Unfortunately, wires were crossed and everybody thought everybody else was doing the shift. I didn't get to vote (oh well ...) but Amy came around 9:30 and I had my dinner then. 

Tomorrow is the actual Friday the 13th. I sure hope nothing else bad happens!

Hmmm ... maybe I'll just stay in bed for the day. Yeah, like that's ever going to happen!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Painting, Even After a Very BAD Situation

I finally finished "Ziggy" last night, and now I'm working on another one that somebody commissioned me to do.

I'll tell you later on about how I was almost robbed today ...

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Monday, June 9, 2014

A Damned Good Monday

I had an excellent day.  Jenna did another training shift in the morning, which went very well.  And then, Sarah and I met at Starbucks for our usual Monday snack.

We went shopping after that.  First, we went to Curry's and bought art supplies, and then, we crossed the street to Shoppers Drug Mart.

I always enjoy buying stuff at the Drug Mart, but today was especially enjoyable because I had racked up enough Optimum Points to get $170.00 worth of merchandise.  I got mostly necessary, practical things, like: toilet paper, laundry detergent, shampoo, mouthwash, vitamins, and over the counter drugs.  However, I also bought things for my sweet tooth, too: two bottles of maple syrup, one jar of peanut butter with honey, one jar of peanut butter with chocolate, and a twelve pack of Reese's Peanut Butter cups.

And, after dinner, I started painting again. I need to finish the dog painting asap because I was just asked to do a small cat painting.

Am I a painting machine?  Yes.  Yes, I think I am!

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Training Day All Day

It's "Training Day" for my new employee Marjie.  Usually training shifts are from three to five hours long.  However, because I need emergency shift coverage, Marjie is doing three separate shifts today: 11:00am-5:00pm, 8:00pm-11:00pm, 11:00pm-midnight.  She'll be busy, and so will I!

I'll write more tomorrow ....

Saturday, June 7, 2014

And Then There Was One - Me!

Vendors (and friends) keep leaving the market. Kate ...  Sandy ...  and now, Lee.  They were in my location: downstairs in the south building, between the crepe place and the Ukrainian place.
And then there was one...but I'll never leave! 

So far, the market's management hasn't been harassing me about rent increase, the new (ridiculous!) rule of making sure vendors arrive at 5am, and the stipulation that now everyone must get insurance for their merch and tables.  I'll try not to let management push me out. I'm a fighter; and, being at the market is the main way I'm able to sell my artwork!
I'll never leave!

Friday, June 6, 2014

A Mountain of Papers

I had to sign a mountain of papers today!  The lawyer came to my hood (Starbucks at Yonge and College) and got me to sign my name 28 times (!) giving my authorization and agreement to the sale of Mom's condo.

I feel sad and regretful ....

                                       happy and excited.

I am filled with conflicting emotions ...

                                                              and I am exhausted!

Thursday, June 5, 2014


Happy birthday, Mom!

All day long, I've been thinking of you, Mom. You were my mother, confidante, friend, nurse, "mouth-piece", champion, and my roll model.

Today, you would have been 89 years old, and yet, you would have acted ageless, as you always did. You taught me how to have fun, to have a free-spirit.  You showed me how to express love, empathy, and acceptance.  Most importantly, you taught me to laugh bravely in times of extreme duress.

I had dinner at Cafe California - our favourite place in the entire world - and I could have sworn that I saw you sitting across from me.  If only!

I played  my YouTube playlist Songs That Remind Me of Mom in your honour.  If you're around, I hope you like it.  If you're partying with Artie Shaw, Fats Waller, Bunny Berrigan (and Dad!) - that's fine too!

I love you, Mom!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

A Good Day, And Yet ...

I painted this picture until 3:00 this morning.  I was going to continue working on it this afternoon, but  ...

I was busy training both Jenna and Marjie in the best ways to assist me with my daily routine. I've never trained two  people before and it was kind of fun, albeit a bit hectic because we had to rush around to get ready before my osteopath appointment.

The osteopath treatment was really nice and soothing. It was also kind of hilarious because Rascal kept trying to nudge Anita's hand away from me to him. At one point Rascal decided to try and curl up into the crook of my arm, which was very sweet.

All in all, it was a pretty good day. The only thing that kind of spoiled it is that my real estate agent Susan told me that my lawyer had told her ( not me!) that he wanted me to go to his office to sign the papers for the condo tomorrow, which is too short notice to get Wheel Trans! People who aren't in wheel chairs don't understand how incredibly fucked up Wheel Trans is. Sure, maybe I could have tried to get an accessible taxi, but it starts at $80.00 and you can never be sure that you will get a ride.

Hopefully, everything will work out. After approximately twenty months of trying to get the estate settled I'm dying for it all to be done and over with!

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Guest Post: Sir Lancelot

I'm tired, I'm stressed out, I'm a bit ill, and all I want to do is chill out and finish my painting.  So here is a guest post by Simone Schmidt:

Hello,  I myself am a little stressed out today, but I am so happy to sit next to Anne right now and write in lieu of Anne.   Anne and I have been a little obsessed with HOUSE lately, not only because Hugh Laurie is one of the most compelling specimens ever to have walked this wretched earth, but because of the whacko graphics.  Sometimes while I'm assisting Anne with her medication I consider her innards, zoomed up, like marvelous ruby coasts, washing with stomach acids, and peppermint mochafrappuccinos of yesterday, and then very quickly I zoom back out to my hand which is assisting with the medication.  To be a PSW is a very fine job, especially for Anne Abbott, because she is very kind and considerate as an employer.  I have worked many a job and have not found as much honour or dignity in any of them.  Often I pretend to be a knight when I assist Anne.  Now I am 100% against the monarchy, but in the moment, I pretend that we are in King Arthur's Court, and I don't so much mind being told what to do by my boss.   I also am 100% anti-authoritarian, and yet I love to take direction from Anne.  How does any of this make sense?  Simple.

Anne is a magician hypnotist.

 Thank you and good night,
Sir Lancelot

Monday, June 2, 2014

Mailing Packages, Meeting Potential New Employees, and Continuing to Paint

I did so much today!  I started a new schedule for my employees, a new month of recording my finances, and wrote a dozen or so important emails.

I also mailed two parcels, one of which was a puzzle.

And, I interviewed a person for the position of relief employee ....

Her name is Jenna, and she seemed very personable and enthusiastic.  I have a good feeling about her.
She's going to be trained by me tomorrow evening.

Right now, I'm just itching to get back to my newest painting ....

I'm on a roll!

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Busy Artistic Sunday

As I keep covering up the holes and the rough or sticky parts of the gel seat of my commode/shower chair with colourrful duct tape, I feel like it's becoming an art project.

Maybe when I'm dead somebody will buy it for a billion dollars!

And now, since I've finished addressing parcels to customers; updated my finances; and arranged to meet two new prospective employees tomorrow, I'm going to start working on a new painting.

Ah, yes, a blank canvas ....  Let me see what I can do with this!