Sunday, March 19, 2017

Ghosts of My Fur Babies

These are pictures of Rascal when he was wide-eyed, beautiful, and healthy.  Until six weeks ago, when his brother Hershey died of thyroid cancer, Rascal was the picture of health and chipper to boot!

Sadly, Rascal developed lung cancer and declined quickly.  He stopped playing with his toys, he began to hide under my bed, and his appetite waned until he completely stopped eating at all.

Yesterday, because it had been four days since Rascal had eaten anything and because he'd gagged and vomited up stomach acid the night before, I regretfully decided to have him put to sleep.

That decision and experience was so hard on me.  I kept second guessing myself.  Was it really Rascal's time?   Did he understand that I was doing this to stop his suffering?  I hoped so ....

I dreaded going home, knowing that my apartment would seem so quiet and lonely when I arrived. 

My boys!  My boys!  What was I going to do without my two sweet boys?

As I've said many times before, I'm not 100% sure whether I believe in an afterlife/spirit world or not.  And yet .... And yet .... When I opened the door to my apartment I swear, just for a second, I saw Hershey and Rascal standing there in the hallway waiting for me, just as they had done many times before.

And now, I jerk awake at night thinking I feel them jumping onto the bed, readying themselves to come snuggle with me. I reach for them, but feel no furry bodies.  Out of the corner of my eye I see them in so many places: sleeping on my bed; curled up in their cardboard boxes; sitting in the kitchen, waiting patiently to be fed; walking around in the bathroom, asking to be petted.

I'm haunted by my fur babies.  I miss them so much!  Their ghosts both comfort and torture me.  They should be here with me; with all of their furriness, cuteness, and oddness!

I mean, whoever heard of a cat that sings to his toy string as he carries it around in his mouth?

Or, a cat who liked to walk around with a shower cap on his head?

Rascal, Hershey... wherever you are, know that I will love you forever.  And, I hope you know that I did my best to give you a happy life that was full of love.

Give my love to Rob and to Dandylion.

And, Hershey, please don't bite Rascal's balls anymore!

Saturday, March 11, 2017

One Day at a Time with My Sweet Rascal

I didn't go to the market today because my ceiling lift was broken, it was freezing outside, and I wanted to be with Rascal. He was hiding under the bed again this morning ....

You see, this week I just found out that Rascal has a mass on one of his lungs.  Crazy, right? I had just lost Hershey a little over a month ago through cancer, and now Rascal has it too!  What are the odds, right?  It's like a bad genetic lottery.

When the vet told me I yowled in pain, sorrow, and fury!  It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair! My boys are sweet, innocent, and lovable who don't deserve this!  There are so many heartless and brutal people in the world - why couldn't Fate target some of them?!  (Yes, yes, I know these type of people get diseases and die, too, but it certainly still seems lopsided somehow.)

I cried for a day and a half, and then I thought:  Rascal's still alive.  He's alive and he needs my love and support more than ever.  I can't mourn for him when he's still around!  So, I'm trying my best to rein in my sadness and make Rascal's last days filled with love, affection, and any kind of food he wants - except for chocolate, of course!

I'm not sure exactly how long Rascal has, and sometimes he has good days and bad (which evokes a whole range of emotions), but he and I are going to take it one day at a time together.