Still Busy in 2014

This won't be much of a surprise to anyone, but I was very busy today.

I wrote several important emails and started working on my 2014 fiinancial ledger.  (I woke up early this morning with a jolt, worrying and fretting about getting these done in a timely matter.)

After brunch, I went over to Loblaws and bought much needed groceries.

I also went to Joe Fresh and boughht this beautiful dress, which was, of course, on sale:

I came home and had leftovers for dinner.  Afterwards, I did more work on the set-up of my apartment, mainly of the new placement of Rob's shrine.

Like the rest of the apartment, I'm pleased that I am able to see everything now with greater ease.  How many and what kind of chocolates do I have?  I only have to glance in the direction of the top of Rob's old desk to find out.  My booze collection is beside my supply of various types of chocolates, so seeing what I have/don't have is no problem for me at all.  (I kind of a 60's housewife with a private stock of a vast variety of booze.  Vodka Martini, anyone?)

But the best thing of all is the ease by which I can see the photos of Rob, as well as momentoes and possessions he used to own.  It makes me smile and feel closer to him.

Yes, I know, Rob, I can hear you.  You're saying, "Yeah, sure, of course my pictures make you smile - I'm so funny looking! How can you not smile or even laugh?"

Smart ass.

Good and Bad

I only made $15.00 at the market today.  That was bad.  Januarys suck at the market!

However, my friend Jutta came to see me and gave me some exciting news.  Awhile ago (perhaps six months ago or so), she entered my name/information, on my behalf, to be an artist in residence at the Panam games.  Well, apparently, my application actually was one of those chosen!  I have no other information than this (Jutta told me that she'd email me with all of the details), but I'm so excited!

I had dinner at Hot House with Motria and Brittainy.  The food was delicious, the company wonderful -  one more good thing that happened today.

I'm at home now, and that's good too!  Hell, it's flipping fantastic!  I'm out of the cold; cuddling with my lovely, sweet cats; and, admiring my apartment's new set up.  It looks good and feels good too.

I like days that are mostly good and a tiny bit bad, don't you ...?

On a Roll

You may not be able to see it in this photo, but I have my hair in a braid.  It's a nice change.  I can't remember the last time I put my hair in a braid - it has to be at least ten or twelve years ago!

It feels good to change things up sometimes.  Like rearranging the furniture in my apartment.  I didn't think I'd get everything moved around today, but, with Laura's help, it's 95% finished!  (I'll post pictures tomorrow of what my apartment looks like now.)

When Brittainy comes here this evening, I'll ask her to help me do some more work.  The heavy stuff is out of the way; it's just the smaller things that need to be put away, thrown out, or put into the laundry hamper.

Since I'm on a roll and in work mode, I think I'll work on my finances and update the employees' schedule until Brittainy arrives.

Thank You, Rascal

This morning, when Brittainy helped me out of bed, I glanced out of the window and saw whiteness.

Ick.  Winter.  January.  Coldness.

Ick.

No, I don't want to go anywhere hot. I'm way too busy for that!

I just want Rob back.  He'd revel in this crappy weather, and his love for it would make winter a bit more bearable for me.

I was by myself for awhile after dinner, and, of course, as is my wont, I listened to one of my playlists.  Already a bit sad and thinking about our 26th anniversary being so close, I bawled when I'm So Happy I Could Cry by Frank Zappa came on.  Almost immediately, Rascal ran to me, rubbing his soft head against my hand and purring loudly.

Cat therapy - there's nothing like it!


                                                                          ***


It's later now: 10:30 to be exact.

Dobrila has been helping me move furniture around.  It's not exactly how I want it, but it's a work in progress.

I heard the weekend is going to be nicer and warmer.

I guess January is a work in  progress as well ....

Pictures From Last Night and This Morning

Like I said in yesterday's post, I didn't go tobogganing because it was too cold and icy.

What I did do was to go to Cafe California for dinner with Dobrila.

And, afterwards, I went home, and Simone, her boyfriend Jeff, painted until 3am.  We also listened to music and the comedy of Steven Wright on YouTube.

That was fun!

And then, this morning, Jeff kindly bought me a peppermint mocha frappuccino for breakfast.

What a great way to start off the New Year!

Happy 2014, everyone!

Change of Plans

It's too bloody cold and icy to go tobogganing tonight. 

Oh well, I'll think of something else fun to do ....

Happy New Year, everyone!

Refocusing My Mind

It's the eve of New Year's Eve, and I'm thinking and feeling way too much for my own comfort ....

Today, as I waited at my breakfast table for Lucy to come back upstairs from putting the laundry in the washer, I read an email from OCAP.  It said that there was going to be a vigil outside of Loblaws for a homeless man named Richard Ian Kenyon.  Richard died outside of Loblaws on Monday, December 23rd, from exposure.

I wanted to attend the vigil, but it was going to be held at noon and, at 11:45, I was still in my nightgown waiting to eat brunch.  My groin was still bothering me and I had tons of work to do before I went out for the day.  (The pain fluctuations of my groin, between improvement and worsening, has also been affecting my mood.  I swing back and forth between feeling happy and hopeful to despair and depression.)

All of my excuses disgusted me.  People like Richard Ian Kenyon are always overlooked, forgotten.

After I got washed and dressed, I went out to do some errands.  I withdrew money from my bank account, paid my bill at The Printing House, bought a bottle of acidopholus at the health food store, and then treated myself to a double chocolate brownie and a peppermint mocha frappuccino from Starbucks.

On my way home, I stopped outside Loblaws for a few moments.  There were still signs of the vigil left behind.  I marvelled at the fact that, despite the cold and wind, most of the candles from this afternoon were still lit.  I marvelled even more of the pictures carefully arranged, pictures of Richard from about forty years ago.  I saw him as a child, with his family, with his dog. I wondered what path had led him to such an unlucky fate.

I felt a pang of guilt at my entitlement.  Certainly, my life hadn't been exactly a bed of roses, but I'd always had shelter, a bed of my own to sleep in, and food to eat.

I wondered what the owners of Loblaws (the Weston family is one of the richest in Canada) thought about the man who died outside of one of their stores.  Did they think of him at all, or feel any empathy for his fate?

After I wrote my blog yesterday, I thought that a good New Year's resolution for me would be to never again let anyone humiliate me by treating me as a non-person.  I want to amend this statement now and say that, by written word or deed, I will do my best to advocate for other people's rights if they need me too.

In my opinion, this is what a caring, affluent should always strive to do.

Mulling it Over iin My Mind

I did some online banking today, wrote some emails and texts to friends and family, and I fine-tuned my employees' payroll.

Simone and Amy cleaned my whole apartment - that feels good!  And, Simone and I have been talking about going tobogganing at Christie Pitts on New Year's Eve.  How exciting and fun!

All day long, though, in the back of my mind, I kept thinking about Christmas dinner and what I would put in my letter to Holiday Inn.  It has to be written well and include all of my outrage and indignation, and yet, it has to sound fairly reasonable as well.

But besides mulling what I'm going to write over in my head, I've also been wondering who I should send it to.  A lot of people say that the head office is my best bet. I kind of agree with them, and yet, I wonder if Carlon Restaurant is run by someone else (like Starbucks at Holiday Inn is run by, well, Starbucks), and if that's the case, the hotel might not have any jurisdiction over the restaurant.

Somebody suggested that I contact the union of the restaurant and just talk to them about improving their relationship with their clientele who have disabilites.

Maybe I'll try that, too ....

Maybe I'll send a copy of my letter to EVERYONE!

(Evil laugh.)

Pink Lady, Black Leather Jacket

It was very slow at the market today.  I only made $34.00 - not even my fan showed up to give me flowers!

However, I wore my new pink dress and put a smile on my face for all of my customers to see.

The brightest spot of my day was when my friend Leon gave me a black leather jacket from the Hard Rock Cafe.  He said it's a belated Christmas gift. I love it!

He said that next week we should go for dinner at Hard Rock Cafe.  What a splendid idea!

Thanks, Leon!

Ready to Rant

Last night, after Motria went home, I decided to go to the Drug Mart to pick up some of my prescriptions and get in on any deals they might have on chocolate.

 Before we left, Dobrila and I waited at the elevator.  As we waited, one of my neighbours came out of her apartment and stood with us.  I immediately smiled at her because, although I barely knew her, when I had run into her (figuratively speaking, of course) previously she always treated me with respect.

This time was no different.  She smiled back at me and asked me if I was still painting.  She, too, had painted herself once, she explained to me.

It is both good and bad that I feel so happy and grateful to my neighbour for showing me enough respect to talk directly to me and treat me like any other person. It's good that there are people like her in the world, and bad that there are still so many jerks out there who treat me like I am a non-person.

I had been excited about going to dinner with my friends at the Holiday Inn restaurant on Christmas day.  They advertised a turkey dinner for $25.00, including dessert.  I missed my mom's turkey dinner and thought this would be a good substitute.

The soup was ok, the turkey and stuffing were like cardboard.  However, the worst thing about the meal was how the servers kept refering to me in the 3rd person. "What would she like?" they asked my friends about me. Or, "Would she like her next course?"  Each time they did this I gritted my teeth and fumed inside, but I kept quiet.  I did this because I was with friends andI was enjoying their company, and I didn't want to make a fuss and ruin the evening.  In the end, I got my own back by giving them the tiniest tip.  Unfortunately, they did not notice my rebellious move.  Instead as we were leaving, one of the servers came right upto my face and spoke loudly,"I hope you had a wonderful time, dear!"

I am angry, not only at the servers but also at myself for letting this behaivor go unchecked.  I am also angry that I should be made to feel happy and grateful when somebody shows me respect.

It's 2013 (almost 2014!) - why haven't some people caught up with the fact that people with disabilities are just like anybody else and should be treated as such!  I don't get it, I just don't get it!  The servers saw me communicate with three of my friends, they must have noticed that none of my friends were talking loudly to me, or talking about me in the third person.  Why couldn't they have simply followed suit?

I am going to write to Holiday Inn and tell them how I was humiliated by their staff.  Beleive me, I've written this type of letter many times before - more's the pity!

I am not sure if I have the power to do this, but I would love it if people boycoted the Carlton restaurant in the Holiday Inn, or go in and tell the servers what ableist schmucks they are.

That would make me happy!

Social Butterfly

I was too tired last night to finish what I was going to say.  So, I'm going to continue now ....

This thing with people at the St Lawrence Market disappearing is really freaking me out. It upsets me because vendors are being shoved out by either means of harassment or bribery.  I feel, like so many things these days, that the fate of the market is teetering upon the very edge of change, and I find myself holding my breath waiting to see what is going to happen.  Will the change(s) be good, bad, or in-between?

During these past few months, there has been so many changes, things getting juggled and rearranged. I feel like there's even more change yet to come.  Will the change(s) be good, bad, or in-between?  I don't know.  And, as Hamlet would say, "Aye, there's the rub."

As I write this, I remember reading The Pit and the Pendulum for school and asking my teacher, "Why did the man fear the pit so much?"  Her response was that, more than anything, the man feared the unknown.  The pit was pitch black, bottomless, and ominous.

After both Rob and my mother died, I felt unbelievable, gut-wrenching grief.  I also felt fear, an onimous type of dread that said: What do I do now?

Lately, I've been mentally preparing for the new changes that are coming down the pike.  They might be good, bad, or in-between.  I don't know.  The money from the sale of my mother's condo is coming soon; I can feel it in my bones.  I should be happy about this (and part of me is), but I feel so sad.  I'd rather have my mother back than all of the money in the world!  And, what will I do with the money? How long can I make it last anyway? 

Last week, I had a dream that Rob and I were choosing which house we should move into.  I wanted to get the smaller house, Rob wanted the bigger one.  He took me over to the house he liked and, all excited like a little kid, he showed me that there was a fireman's pole that ran from the bedroom down into the living room.  I looked at it and suggested that we replace the pole with an elevator.  Rob replied, "No, no, Sweety!  I want to slide down the pole with you in my arms!"

 I woke up feeling ridiculously happy and wonderinng if I should indeed buy a house with a mortgage, go back on ODSP (god help me!) and start my life anew.

Maybe the cloud of uncertainy and dread would disappear if I simply took hold of the reins of my destiny and did something really big with the money.

I'll have to think about it .....

Social Butterfly

I was going to have a venting session re my experience over the Holiday Inn's restaurant, but Motria and Dobrila are coming over for pizza and Law and Order. 

It hasn't been a particularly enterprising few days.  I've been meeting friends for coffee/frappucinos,  for dinner, or to entertain people at my place.

Like Mom would have said, I've been a regular social butterfly!

I'll vent tomorrow ....

                     And  work on the employees' scheduling and payroll  ....

                                     And edit and order more cards and merch ....

Yadda yadda yadda ....

Christmas 2013

This will be a short post because I'm tired from having such a full, busy day.

Actually, the fun started last night ....

Kelly and I drank some booze, smoked a bit of pot (felt very gooooooooooo), watched Dr Who and Star Trek: Voyager.  We also put fresh duct tape (with the design of paint splatter!) on one of my communication board.

Today, I had dinner at Holiday Inn (I'll rant about the ableist shmucks who work there tomorrow) with my friends Dobrila, Natasha, and Zack.  After dinner, we went back to my place and chatted, drank, and watched videos.

Almost immediately after they left,  my friends Nic and Jen arrived.  We chatted, drank, and watched videos.

All in all, not a bad Christmas!

How Are You Doing?

I got a text today from one of my friends asking: "How are you doing?" 

I cried for about a minute after reading this. Sometimes, like Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, this simple question seems too invasive, too personal.  In order to deal with the holidays, I do my best to pretend that the degree I miss the people I've loved and lost is actually less than it really is.

After the minute passed, I went back to what I'd been doing beforehand: playing Scrabble and Words with Friends on my iPad, and listening to my YouTube playlist.

The playlist I listen to most often is called "Anne Rocks Out" - and in my mind's eye, I do rock out! I dance and I sing, and sometimes I try out for America's Got Talent! Of course I win! This makes me happy.

I remember as a kid, laying in the livingroom listening to records on my parents stereo. I did the same thing back then as I do now, only then it was The Ed Sullivan Show.

Of course, sometimes celebrities creep into my fantasies too. Back then it was The Monkees and Donny Osmond. Now its Johnny Depp, Benedict Cumberbatch (or just Sherlock), Hugh Jackman, or David Tennant!

Well, anyway, Merry Christmas everybody! ...And, if the holidays are getting you down like me, Happy Fantasies!

Waiting for Christmas

It's hard to believe that today is the eve of Christmas Eve and that Wednesday is Christmas day.  It simultaneously seems both too far away and too close for comfort.  It seems surreal and yet painfully real.  I'm looking forward to the big day and yet dreading it.

This is my life now.  I'm no longer that little girl who would count down the days until Christmas and who, on the morning of the big day, would climb out of bed and crawl to her parents' bedroom door and knock excitedly, wanting them to wake up and propel the day forward.

I am no longer the young woman who celebrated Christmas with her mate, spending a tad too much on gifts, to both show my love to Rob and to show the world Fuck you - poverty might have been forced upon me, but I deserve to enjoy Christmas just like anybody else!

I am me, a bit older and wiser.  I live in a paradox now, wanting to remember past Christmases and yet afraid to look too close in case the cloud  of sadness blows over me.

And yet, one thing I learned from my parents and Rob is to carry on no matter what and always look on the bright side of life.

I'm watching the documentary Gonzo with Brittany and enjoyinng a peppermint mocha frappuccino.

Rascal is sitting on a kitchen chair, looking very cute.  I can't wait to give him his Christmas gifts!