Sunday, March 1, 2015
Thinking About Anxiety
Yesterday, after the market, I had dinner with my brother Bruce and his two kids. Bruce asked me how I was and I told him, "I'm fine, very busy, and kind of stressed out. I'm just like Mom, she used to get stressed out too."
My brother kind of laughed at me and said that he didn't think our mom was ever stressed out. I didn't argue with him, but I thought "Didn't you know Mom at all?" She was always telling me about how she had restless nights from worrying about everything. Mom also told me she took supplements to help with her anxiety. I think Mom got her anxiety from her mother who worried about paying the bills on time and what the neighbors thought about her.
My two earliest memories of having my own anxiety were 1. Having to cover up my clock at night because I was so intimidated by time going by so quickly, and 2. Having such a bad panic attack at Expo 67 that my parents had to take me out of a movie theatre. Interestingly enough, the movie was about how time passes by so fast and before you know it you're old and useless.
All of my life I've struggled with anxiety. Different things set it off, like having so much to do and not knowing how the fuck I'm going to do everything, worrying about everything, and thinking about how much I miss my mom and Rob.
However I think of my anxiety in similar terms as my Cerebral Palsy they`re both just things I have to deal with on a daily basis.
Quick the Lorazepam!!!!!