It hit me like a ton of bricks. Lately, because some of my employees have been wanting to concentrate on other things going on in their lives (going back to school; taking a well-deserved vacation; focussing on their art/music/family), shifts have had to be shuffled around, and I've had to hire and train new people to work for me.
This is just how my life works on Direct Funding, and, for the most part, I wouldn't change it for the world! And yet ... because I've been training so many people lately; explaining to them how I eat, shower, get dressed, communicate (that's a big one!) etc, it makes me yearn for the two people who knew me the best.
This is probably why I keep dreaming of Rob and my mother ... and of the past. Part of me yearns for the familiar, the comfortable. With even the slightest gesture or facial expression, Rob and Mom knew what I wanted, needed, knew what I was thinking, feeling. As I've said before, losing these two people was like losing part of myself.
And the part in my dreams about buying a new house, well, that has to be symbolic of my internal struggle over "moving on" - if that's possible, or even the right term!
Rob, Mom, I love you both, and you'll always be two of the most special people to me ... but, tonight, can you please let me have a fun dream, say about Johnny Depp or Benedict Cumberbatch - or both?!