Stressful Morning

Busy, stressful morning and afternoon.  Laundry, breakfast, planning for tonight's first ever employee appreciation meeting/party.  I had digestive problems, and we couldn't find the bread nor the detergent at first.

If I can, I will write more later.

So Much Going On!

I have so much to do today!  Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes!

Fighting Cats, Battling Dwarves (and a cute Hobbit), and a Restless Mind

I woke up much earlier than I wanted to (9am!) which pissed me off because I only had four hours of sleep the night.  It was one of those jolting awake kind of deals, where I was bombarded with a million thoughts swirled around and darted in and out of my mind.

Global warming and the plight of the Australian people was one of the main things that kept poking sharp spears of anxiety into my mind.  One news source said that the temperature there was 45C and that the fires started with such incredible speed it was like being hit by an atomic bomb.  In all my life I had never heard  of this type of thing happening on such a massive, devastating scale!  What was happening to our planet? What could be done to reverse the effects of global warming?  Sometimes when I hear about such grand scale disasters that are due to climate change, I feel like I'm in one of those hokey blockbuster movies about Armageddon.

I also thought about my own personal woes: paying my internet bill for this month, finding a new company to insure my apartment (I'm not sure if Mom's Masterpiece Insurance still covers me now that she's no longer here), and how to get ready for my Employee Appreciation/Brainstorming Party on Tuesday.  And, I still had to finish that panting of that man and his dog!  YIKES!!!

At 11am, Yuula came into my bedroom and asked if she could go and get me an Iced Capp and a few Tim Bits, to which I gave her an enthusiastic, "Yes, please!"

  Two minutes after Yuula had left, my cats began to hiss and spit (and growl, for god''s sake!) at each other.  Every Sunday, almost like clockwork, Hershey and Rascal have these major battles, which scare me to death because I'm worried that one  or both might get seriously hurt.  Thankfully, this has never happened yet.

My neck is killing me and I'm exhausted!  I'll just end by saying that I saw The Hobbit.   Visually, it was too stark, but the story was fun, and Martin Freeman is charningly cute as Bilbo Baggins!

Life at the St Lawrence Market

Notebooks

2013 Calendars

I'm tired.  Selling my wide selection of merchandise every Saturday always wears me out.  Of course, only having had only four hours of sleep might be another factor could be that I just had a Percocet and Gravol to deal with the excruciating neck/shoulder/lower back pain I get every Saturday. 

This is not a long entry ....

As usual, I had a chocolate/banana/peanut butter crepe while an accordion player and guitarist played very badly on either side of me.  (Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Kill me now!)

I did pretty well today.  Getting over $100.00 is fantastic for January.  January usually sucks the big one in terms of sales.

My customers seemed extra nice today, maybe because of the weirdly temperate.  I was so glad to see one of my regular customers and his wife.  They told me that, coincidentally, someone had bought one of my paintings and had given it  as a Christmas present.  They told me that they had loved it and had put it in a place of honour, which pleased me to no end!

And then, somewhat sheepishly, they told me a very funny story about their cat.  Not only do they walk it on a leash, they also put "angel wings" and let it climb trees with this costume on.  People, especially cat people, (including me!) are so weird.

I brought my iPad with me to the market today to do work.  I'm so happy that I got 99% of my emails finally written.  And, I set up three appointments to interview people as prospective employees.  I like getting on top of things; it makes me happy.

I was going to go to a wedding today, but because of difficulties beyond our control it didn't happen.  Well, it did, but just not with me.

I was going to go see The Hobbit after the market, but I was too exhausted.  Maybe I'll go tomorrow.   I have such such fond memories of Mom reading that book when I was a teenager.

Busy, busy, busy!

Multi-Tasking Finger

Sorry, folks.  I have to do the payroll, work on the budget for my business, write half a dozen emails, and go to bed before midnight so I can get up at 5am and work at the market.

I'll write more tomorrow!

My Life in Pictures

These pictures represent my life, or part of it:  cute cats, painting, more painting, and tons of computer work. I love it! I'm a cat-loving workaholic. Even though sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, worrying about everything I need to do, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I do take time out to have some fun, though. To relax and enjoy myself, I play Scrabble on my iPad, watch Coronation Street on YouTube, and lots of cool shows on Netflix. My favourites are Community and The Hour.

And speaking of The Hour, I love the actor who plays Freddie so much I went to see Cloud Atlas because I knew he was in it. I didn't know what the movie was about and having seen it I still don't know what it's about. However, I got to hear Ben Wishaw's velvety voice and see him naked in several scenes. I would have been happier if he had appeared more throughout the movie.

I also saw Argo, which was a fantastic movie! Sure it didn't have Ben Wishaw or Johnny Depp or Benjamin Cumberbatch in it but I could forget this fact because it was so good and suspenseful. I love true stories too and this one was stranger than fiction.

Okay, that's all for now. I need to go back to work and maybe watch something on Netflix.

Counseling and Painting

I'm going to go to counseling today and then paint  for awhile.  I may or may not write again today.

Emotional Muscle

From yesterday's blog entry, I'm sure people could sense my black mood.

I mentioned going out to do errands yesterday.  One of those things I had to do was to go to the post office at the Drug Mart.

As I waited in line to mail mugs to a customer in Texas, I looked upon items about me at all of the merchandise around me.  Shoe-shine polish: I could see my father buffing his shoes vigorously until they were immaculate, just as he had been.  Coffee and crunchy peanut butter and potato chips were on sale: I yearned for the days when I'd bring those things home for Rob.  Tea and Digestive biscuits: memories of Mom making 3:00 tea every day at our family home.

Coming home, Sarah mentioned that a friend of hers was now doing yoga and going for Reiki treatments, things that her friend had made fun of previously.  My response was that I had made fun of people using the phrase finding myself, but now I felt like I knew what it meant.  Since the deaths of Rob and Mom, I felt like I had lost part of myself and was constantly trying to find that part of me again ... or, to replace it with a new one.  Sometimes trauma/heartbreak will dramatically change a person's outlook on life.

When Laura came in at 8pm, I was still managing not to cry, but then I called my uncle to wish him a happy birthday, which made him very happy, but then he asked me when I would be coming over to my mom"s place to go through her stuff some more.  I gave him an excuse because I did not want to discuss this with him at that time.  And then he mentioned that my aunt was downstairs playing cards, and that made me really sad because mom used to love playing cards every Monday night.

After I hung up, I sobbed and sobbed, and Laura comforted me. And then she said something interesting, that people have an emotional muscle, and that mine was getting worn down from all the stress this week, getting shifts covered, and celebrating the 25th anniversary.  Laura also said that knowing me she knew that I would be o.k. because I know how to distract myself from stress by painting and watching funny shows, and enjoying life. 

So today I am going to flex my emotional muscle and go watch a movie with Sarah.

Not much to say

Not much to say today.  Had a quiet, yet semi-busy day.  I slept in until 10am, had brunch, showered, dressed, and went out to do errands.

For the 7th day Cindi Lauper is singing in my head.  I'm so looking forward to my second grief counseling session on Wednesday!

Best Laid Plans Often Go Astray

Ok, so I didn't make it to our favourite restaurant, nor did I end up painting this evening. Because so many of my employees are down with the flu, I had to write emails and text people this afternoon and evening to try to fill shifts, especially overnight shifts. After everything had been finally straightened out, I didn't feel like going to Cafe California and putting on a brave face. Besides, I'm broke.

In between dealing with this aforementioned stressful situation, I wrote on Rob's Facebook wall, mushy and romantic stuff, like:  "Happy Annie-versary, Sweety!! We met 25 years ago and never looked back!" and "25 years, 100 years, 1 million-billion-trillion-zillion years - you'll always be the love of my life, Sweety!!!! xoxo"  I also put clips from YouTube of The IT Crowd on his wall, as well as "Love of My Life" by Frank Zappa. 

I toasted him with Scotch again and cried a little.

I went outside to sprinkle some of Rob's ashes because he loved snow so much, but the snowbanks were filthy and shrunken. I'll wait until a more wintery day to do the deed. 

I'm listening to a Frank Zappa concert from 1988, which coincidentally is the year Rob and I met. If Rob's spirit is in the apartment (and I'm sure it is), he's probably grooving out.

I love you, Rob. Happy Annie-versary!

So Many Things to Do

I had a good day at the Market today, and I was going to write about it and other things, but I came home and found so many emails in my in box and saw that the printing order of cards was never completed. So, I need to take care of these matters ASAP!

I'll write tomorrow ....

Feeling Better

I feel better today.  The computer virus is no more - thank god!  I had a nice day with Sarah; I hadn't seen her in over two weeks because of the Christmas holidays.

I had an invigorating hot shower, got dressed, went to the bank, shopped at the health food store, bought groceries from Metro for dinner.  And, during dinner, I showed Sarah the latest episodes of Coronation St.

It would have been a perfect day, except for one thing.  One of my employees wrote an email saying that she was frustrated because she couldn't find anyone to take her three hour shift on Sunday.   To help her out, I told her I'd be fine by myself, just painting for awhile.

And then it hit me.  Sunday was my anniversary.  Bloody hell!  Once again, "Time After Time" came into my head and I began to cry because I missed Rob terribly.  However, I didn't cry for long.  I went on YouTube and played my "Anne Rocks Out" playlist and felt happy again.

On Sunday, I'll go to our favourite restaurant, toast to Rob's memory, and try to only focus on the positive fact that I was so damned lucky to have him in my life for as long as I did.

And then I'll come home and paint.

Anne K Abbott: STRESS BALL

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  What a day!  What a day!  What a day!

Waking up with "Time After Time" again in my head and seeing the snow flurries outside my window made me miss Rob so much!  He loved the snow and cold. And then, like a dagger through my heart, I realized it would have been our 18th wedding anniversary this Sunday, as well as the 25th anniversary of being together. Rob should be here for this momentous occasion - it's not fair that he isn't!  But then whoever said life was fair?

There were some employee scheduling problems and suggestions that I should hire more people.  In my current black mood all of this seems mountainous, but I actually know it's molehill sized.  Things will get figured out, they always do.

I'm sad, and now I'm frustrated as well. I've got a computer virus that I can't get rid of.  I think I'll try another anti-virus program, paint for a while, and have a couple of beers with Dobrila...

As Scarlett O'hara would say, "Tomorrow is another day."

Late afternoon on January 2nd, 2013

This morning started out as usual, by letting Hershey lick some of my health drink (or, as I call it, Yucky Drink) from my index finger.  And then, as I sat at the kitchen table, both cats jumped on top, vying for the best spot   - the warmth of the closed laptop.  They know that most days my focus is usually upon my laptop, from mid-morning until late afternoon.  It is the best vantage point for them to get patted and shown love, and to declare their hunger for breakfast.

I had Lenny assist me in writing out cheques for my employees and 12 rent cheques for the year.  The year might have changed, but my need to be organized hasn't.

I felt the terrible pangs of grief take hold of me as "Time After Time" by Cindi Lauper (or as Rob used to call her: Cindi Lobster) played repeatedly in my head.  This time I didn't cry.  I distracted myself by answering emails and watching Game of Thrones.

There are so many things I want and need to do that I feel more than slightly anxious.  Christmas orders for cards and paintings have made me behind schedule in mailing out my Dandy membership greeting cards. Hopefully, people will be understanding when they receive their cards in the middle of the month instead of the beginning.  I have to work on my employees schedule for this current pay period, and I have to update my business ledger. The painting of the man and his dog needs to be finished too.

Where do I start? Where do I start?

Something

I hate New Year's resolutions.  They're ridiculous!  Hardly anybody sticks to them (I sure don't!) and you beat yourself up for not following through.

Having said this, though, I'm going to make a New Year's resolution right here, right now.  I will do my best to write something in my blog every day, even if it's just the word "something".  By doing this, hopefully, I can give people an even better account of what my life is really like.

I'm so tired today.  Last night, I drank Scotch and toasted to my beloved mother, my husband Rob, and to Dandylion. I miss them all so much!  After ringing in the New Year, I painted until 5am.   It felt wonderful losing myself in a commissioned painting of a man and his dog.

The other night, my friends Nic and Jen came over for a visit and stayed until 2:30am.  We exchanged Christmas gifts.  I gave them a bottle of wine and a bottle of Scotch.  They gave me a Coronation St. trivia game and a book on Frida Kahlo.

Since we hadn't seen each other since September, we spent a lot of time catching up on what's new in our lives.  Jen and I kind of debriefed each other on our take of the weird and wacky (and sometimes tense and explosive) trip to the Frank Zappa festival we went on this past September.  It was very cathartic for us to vent about some of the experiences we shared, and we both agreed that for this upcoming September sojourn we need to do more planning before we go.

Well, that's all for now.  I will write more tomorrow, unless I'm deathly ill or if a natural disaster occurs.

Happy New Year!