Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Go Your Own Way

Go Your Own Way was the song that popped into my head immediately after my mother's death.

I told this to my counsellor today and explained that this upcominng Friday would mark the third anniversary of that fateful day.

I try my best to "go my own way" because I know that Mom would expect this of me.  She would want me to continue on with my life, have a few adventures and some fun, and to be happy.

I'm trying, Mom, I really am.  You'd be proud of me, I'm sure, knowing that I'm leading a busy and productive life.   Of course I am, because I'm your daughter and you often bragged to people that you "were never bored!"

It's just this happiness thing that I'm having trouble with. I've been trying new things and some not so new things, looking for experiences that may make me happy and which will fill the void that your death has left in my life.

Don't get me wrong, I do have moiments of happiness, Mom.  It's just that, many times, my happiness is tinged with sorrow.

I remember growing up, you would often told Bruce and I that "can't isn't in the dictionary", which was your way of telling us not to give up just because things seem too difficult to deal with.   When the sorrow of missing you is overwhelming and I think I can't go on, I correct myself and think can't isn't in the dictionary!

I love you, Mom.

No comments: