Technical Difficulties

Due to technical difficulties beyond my control (my internet keeps going out on me every ten minutes or so), I'm not going to write anything earth-shatteringly interesting today.

But here are some cute pictures of my adorable cats:

A Tender Moment Between Rascal and Natasha

A Not So Tender Moment Between Hershey & One of Yuula's Boots

Hopefully, Brittainy will be here soon to unplug and re-plug my router ....

Tired and in Pain

After I posted my latest entry last night, I stood up in order to transfer from my wheelchair to commode chair and was hit with such excruciating pain in my left groin area. The pain shot downwards, toward my knee!

I've had this pain for maybe seven weeks, and instead of getting better it seems to be worsening.  I've been trying stretching exercises and painkillers, but nothing seems to be working. So,  I took the last resort and went to bed for a few hours.

Hopefully, I'll be better soon!

You can't keep a good woman down!

Penises Penises Penises

So, I woke up this morning feeling neutral.  You know neither happy nor sad.

And then, I texted with my brother about whether to rent or sell Mom's condo. Again this topic made me cry. To cheer myself up and forget about the conversation I said to Simone "You're wearing leopard tights so I want to wear my leopard tights!" and I also put on the leopard top that Sarah gave me. Dressing up in fun clothes always makes me happy!

Well then I went to my grief counselling and sure, thats good, but I cried a lot and felt sad all over again. So to cheer me up I had a peppermint mocha frappachino and brownie.

Because it had been a rough day and I was dressed up I told Dobrilla let's go to Cafe California for dinner! That was fun and the food was delicious. I even had capon, which made me smile and remember the time I had to explain to Sarah that capon is a neutered rooster. That was the time that the man at the table next to us chuckled at our conversation and then bought our dinner!

The only thing wrong with tonights meal was the never-ending christmas songs in the background.At first I could handle it but after a while I felt like I was either going to cry or punch someone. So I took one lorazapam and a gulp of beer and felt a bit better. However, when Dobrilla said "Just think of penises and what you can do with them, it will make you feel better" I laughed and laughed and I did feel better!

I'm still laughing now!  It's better than thinking "It's Demember 11, 2013.  I'm sitting in a restaurant ...." However, I don't think I could think of penises during a memorial.

But maybe thats just me ....

Feeling Well Rested

I'm feeling well rested this evening.  I painted until 4am, and I couldn't get to sleep until 5:00 because of the pain in my groin.  (I wonder if I have a hernia ....) So, this afternoon, I had a two hour nap and now I feel a lot more refreshed and energetic!

Here's the painting I did last night:

Now I'll work on emails, my employees' schedules, and ordering more cards.  I sure won't stay up until 4am, though!

Can't Stop Now!

I'm on a roll with my new painting!

Here Among the Cats

If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know how much I love my cats.  Some people might even go as far as to say that I'm nuts about them ....

Naw ....

Today, with Yuula's help, I took Hershey and Rascal to see the vet.  They needed their yearly shots, and I was concerned about Hershey's weight loss.

Except for crying all the way there and all the way back, my boys were as good as gold.  They took all of the poking and prodding in their stride, even the blood tests and the thermometer up their butts didn't phase them!

When we got home, I gave my boys five treats each and lots of pats.  I was in such a generous mood, I did something I'd never done before ....

I let Rascal nibble on my pizza:

Am I nuts about my cats?  Sure, but they make me so happy!

Market Day Today

The market today was pretty good.  It was very busy in the morning; the afternoon was absolutely dead, though. Still, I made over $100.00, talked to many nice people, and got more flowers from that same fan I have.

I'm tired and sore, however, probably from struggling through the cold.  I'm cozy and warm now, inside my apartment, and my cats are surrounding me with their furry brand of love.

All in all, not a bad day!

To bed  now ....

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ....

A Good, Bad, Happy, Sad, and Damned HARD Day

Me in "Rob" t-shirt

December.  It's such a good, bad, happy, sad, and damned HARD month. 

Twenty-six years ago in December, Rob and I started chatting online on a BBS called FAN.  We were two crazy kids who knew nothing about the other and who ended up falling madly in love.  Memories of that period in my life can make me happy, sad, or a mixture of both.

Some days in December, like today, it feels like I'm losing my mind.

Last night and this morning, I wrote emails to people, like Mom's accountant about her taxes, and to my financial advisor asking his opinion on whether to sell or rent Mom's condo. Beforehand, I knew what I was going to write and I felt confident that it was time to get these matters settled. And yet, as I typed, I couldn't stop crying because writing about these things opened up the small compartment in the back of my mind where I keep the dirty little secret that Mom's death is fact not ficion.

It's hard to accept this and move on, but I know I must ....

I took my green dress back today and got a bigger size.  Plus, I got a beautiful fuschia dress too.  That was fun!

The Christmas music drove me out of the mall, but it was a good thing for me to recognize that this was something I couldn't deal with today.  I went to 5 Guys for a burger afterwards - it was delicious!

And, just now, Rascal came and cuddled with me.

Despite my sadness, I must focus on the smallest of gems.

Very Little to Say, a Lot of Work Still to Do

I'll write tons and tons tomorrow!

                                                 Unless I'm painting ....

Painting Cancelled Due to EXHAUSTION

I got up very early this morning and I dashed over to City Hall to hear depositions in favour of more homeless shelters, and more beds in the homeless shelters.

Apparently, it's so over-crowded in the shelters that those who are lucky enough (and I use the term "lucky" in its most ironic sense) sleep on quarter inch thick yoga mats and are in danger of many types of abuse from both those in charge or from other homeless people.  And, when people inquire about the possibility of a vacant bed for the night, they are met with a brusque "No beds!"

I hadn't planned on speaking today, but when somebody asked me if I would like to make a deposition of my own, I readily agreed.  My speech was towards the end and I tried to incorporate the information I'd heard other people give as well as putting my own spin on it. I said, basically, that because I was disabled and had used on-site attendant care in the past, where I had suffered terrible abuse from those who were there to provide services for me, I understood the importance of empathy and respect.  Certainly more beds and shelters are needed, but attitudes must change as well.

After the depositions were over, I had lunch and went on a shopping spree.

When I came home, I took a two hour nap - I was so exhausted! Once more, I've been burning the candle at both ends too many nights this week.

Of course, now, after my nap, I'm wide awake and full of energy.  Woo-hoo!  I think I'll write emails, work on the employees' schedule, etc, etc, etc ....

Finished Teddies

I've finished my teddy bears.  If I do say so myself, Rhett and Scarlett look fabulous!

Tomorrow, I'll start another painting - a cat, maybe!

Teddies Almost Finished

So Many Things to Do!

I was going to go to another demo today, but I was sore; tired; and had to finish the payroll and send it to my bookkeeper.

I was going to paint this evening, but I had to write emails and order more merch to send to a customer.  I still have so many emails to respond to and more merch to order. Yikes!

I'll paint tomorrow and try to finish my teddy bear picture.

Uncle Norm's Memorial

I went to Uncle Norm's memorial today.  As memorials go, it was sad, sweet, and, at times, very funny.

Aunt Joyce & Me

Thomas, Bruce, Michelle

Cousin Sue & Me

Me. Bruce, Ivan

Honestly, at first, as Brandon (my cousin Lesley's son) led the way down to where the memorial was being held, it took all my strength and willpower not to turn around and start bawling my head off. Memories flooded my mind of the day when I took that same route and went into that same room to marry Rob 17 years ago.  This overwhelming feeling of sadness stayed with me for quite awhile, until I asked Kelly to give me a Lorazepam with a wine chaser.  That helped! It also helped to grab Kelly's arm occasionally and repeat to myself, It's November 30th, 2013. I'm here right at this moment in time, and nothing else matters.

As I started to mellow out, I started to enjoy myself!  It was great to see all my relatives  - some of whom I hadn't seen in ages!

And, as the crowd thinned out, my Aunt Joyce invited me up to her place to meet the newest addition to the famiy.

Daisy-Mo

She showed me a seven month old kitten named Daisy-Mo, who was so adorable she could melt the hardest heart. I'm very glad my Aunt Joyce got this kitten, it will help her with her grief. A kitten may not be a perfect substitute for a husband you've had for 55 years, but a kitten may help soothe your ravanged soul all the same.

R.I.P. Uncle Norm.We will all miss you. If you see Mom, Dad and Rob please say Hi and I love them ....

A Varied Lifestyle

So, today I got up, had three bites of  breakfast, got dressed and ran over to MMP Glen Murray's office with my OCAP friends to have him sign a document saying that he would promise not to support the merger with ODSP and OW.  Mr. Murray wasn't there, but his assistant assured us that he would get him to contact us.

After that, Yuula and I went to Curry's to buy art supplies. And then we went to the Wine Shop and had a couple samples, and I bought a few Christmas presents there. After that we had a snack at Starbucks. I was starving! We bought groceries and cat toys too. After dinner Motria came by to visit me and buy some Christmas cards.

Now I'm going to paint!