Friday, January 1, 2016

A New Year Reflection

Dancing on the Head of a Pin

I’m dancing on the head of a pin
Trying to hide the fear within. 
I laugh, I grin.
I dance, I spin. 
Standing upright and tall,
I do my best not to topple and fall.                                               
Repeatedly, they try to knock me over -
There’s no place for me to run for cover.
They pelt me with troubles and woes,
But I’m determined to stay steady on my toes. 
I dance...
and dance...
and dance...                                
Trying to keep my balance. 
Sometimes I can’t stand it anymore,
Sometimes I want to simply hide and close the door.
Their aim is accurate, it hits its mark -
All I want is to sit and cry in the dark.                             
I trip and stumble,
I swear and grumble,
But, still, I do not tumble.
I never stop
Dancing like a top.                                      
I can never give in
Because if I do, they will most certainly win.
And so I spin...
and spin...
and spin...                                                     
Upon the head of a tiny pin
Trying to hide the fear inside. 

( (c) 1999-2016 Anne K. Abbott )

I realize that I've posted this poem several times over the years.  At certain times in my life, these words seem to be more apt; they mirror my thoughts and feelings perfectly.

I've been in a funk since November.  The seasonal blues, compounded by many types of daily stress, seemed, at times, to be overwhelming.  I've missed Mom and Rob so much, and the holiday season has just been a reminder of what I've lost.  I had deadlines for commissioned paintings to be ready by Christmas.  And, of course I was happy to make sure that my employees/friends were able to go home for Christmas ... and yet I couldn't help but feel a tiny bit envious as well.

 Oh well ...  Christmas.  New Year's.  One more hurdle to go.

January 6, 2016.  It would have been our 20th wedding anniversary,  our 28th anniversary of knowing each other.

I miss you,  Rob ....

Time to listen to my Anne Rocks Out playlist.

                 And dance ...

                       Dance upon the head of a tiny pin.

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