Wednesday, April 8, 2015
I'm tired ... drained, if you will. The counselling session was a doozey today! I cried and cried, felt terribly angry and sad.
Guilt was also present. Had I killed or intentionally hurt anyone? Was my heart cold, hard, and evil? Did I torture puppies and kittens in their sleep? No, none of these things were true.
I feel guilt over the lack of control I have over my disability. I feel guilt over the lack of control I have over my grief as well. Try as I may to be strong, good, kind, and perfect - these two imperfections stick out like sore thumbs! I try my best to cope (and, in doing so,hide certain things from people), but I feel like sometimes my physical condition and grief weigh upon the people I love.
I need to stop feeling guilty over things I can not change. I need to make myself understand that I may not be a perfect Super Anne - but I'm doing my best and that's something! I need to remind myself that despite my disability and grief, I am a good and worthwhile person. Although my friends support me in all sorts of ways, I, too, share my love and understanding with them as well.