I feel better today, both physically and mentally. My osteopath came over and gave me a treatment this afternoon. My arm and neck are much better, and my groin is a bit better.
I got a lot done today, like emails and updating my finances. Plus, I started putting pictures of my artwork on www.fineartamerica.com. I've been meaning to do that for ages. With the St. Lawrence Market becoming less secure for its vendors, I've felt like I need to cover my ass and find alternative ways to sell my artwork.
All day in the back of my mind I've been thinking about my counselling session yesterday. I'm trying to give myself permission to have mixed feelings about both Rob and Mom. It doesn't mean I don't love them the same amount or that I don't still yearn for their presence, it just means that having such an intensely close relationship over so many years people are bound to have a few crumbs of anger or resentment.
Mostly, though, I feel love for them both, and that's what I need to focus on.
My counsellor gave me "homework" to do before my next visit. I'm supposed to recognize and stop myself from feeling responsible for everything. That's going to be hard. I want to help everyone I love and be super human at everything I do. If I fail at any of these things I feel terribly guilty. However, I'll do my best to start to take a deep breath and let stuff go.
The latter thing is going to be hard, but I'll try, I'll try!
As I write that last sentence I can hear Kryptonite in my head ....