Our Song

September 26, 2023

 

Our Song

  

 

It played during the first bloom of our romance.

It played at our wedding for our first dance.

It seemed like nothing could go wrong as long as we heard our song.

 

 

Love of my life I love you so …

               

Ebb and flow, ebb and flow,

Despite all of life’s trials, tribulations and complications,

Our love for each other continued to grow.

 

 

Love of my life, don’t ever go …

 

I’ll never forget that one day, so long ago –

The doctors told me that you would very soon, simply slip away.

And so, I sat by your bedside day after day,

After day,

After day ….

I held your hand, stroked your face and mass of curly hair,

Wanting you to know that I was there, and with all of my heart, cared.

Over and over, I played our song,

Hoping that, somehow, it would make you, once again, healthy and strong.

 

 

I love you, Darling! I love you only. …

 

I was your wife and knew without a doubt that you would survive.

We were happy for quite a long while.

Through good and bad times, we could make each other smile.

Like two puzzle pieces we fit together perfectly.

Our love would last forever, we knew this with great certainty.

Stars in the sky, they never lied.

You were my groom, I was your bride.

 

Tell me that you need me, don’t say goodbye …

 

Like the worst form of déjà vu,

Once again, I was there holding your hand,

Worrying about you

Once again, I played our song,

Fearful, this time, that there might be something terribly wrong.

 

For two days and one night,

They told me that, yes, your heart was damaged, but everything was going to be alright.

Tests next week, they said.

Tests and, until then, a lot of rest.

 

I was your wife,

And I knew with every single cell of my being that this time you would not survive.

 

 

Don’t ever, don’t ever, don’t ever, make me —

 

Lonely.

For twenty-one years you had been my one and only.

During all this time, you had always been loving and true,

There was nothing I didn’t love about you.

You had been sweet and kind.

Now that you were gone,

I felt as if I was losing my mind.

 

Your heart had literally been broken, beyond repair.

I found it hard to grasp that you would no longer be there.

Day after day …

After day …

After day …

I felt tormented by shock and unbearable dismay.

 

Ebb and flow,

Ebb and flow.

There’s no place to hide, no place left to go.

Throughout the years, my grief has become like an ocean,

Full of thoughts and emotions.

There are times when the tide comes in and I can feel happy and glad.

There are times when the tide goes out and I simply feel lonely and sad.

 

Still, my love, I have wonderful, treasured memories of being with you.

Now, during good times and bad,

Remembering you is what helps me to get through.

Also, and never forget, I’m always connected with you through our song.

Whenever I hear it, it’s as if you are with me,

Which makes me feel happy, secure and strong,

As if nothing could ever be wrong.

 

 

Love of my life, I love you so

Love of my life, please don’t ever go

I love you only, love, love of my life

Ooh, ooh, oooh …

 

          By,

          Anne K. Abbott

 (Lyrics by Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention)

Feelings Of Invisibility Premiere On Vimeo

 Dear friends, family, and peers of the disability community  -

On Tuesday, August 29th, my documentary, “Feelings of Invisibility “, is going to premiere on Vimeo  - and I’d love it if you could help me make it go viral!

On August 29th, please watch the film and make comments(although not bad ones!) about it and tell everybody you know to do the same. 

I apologize if you see me talk about my film on other platforms but I’m so excited to have my story told! Having a disability, one where you’re also nonverbal can, at times, can make you feel invisible. 

The link to a preview of the film is below: 

https://vimeo.com/848912609

I hope you enjoy it!

Anne Abbott

Juggling Way Too Many Things

Sorry, everyone, for not writing as much as I should.  I’m just juggling way too many things right now. Good and bad, happy times, maddening ones.  Some people have been driving me nuts, while others have given me many touching and joyous moments.   I’m constantly torn between wanting to do the things I want to do and the things I need to do.

Here are some photos of my niece and I celebrating her birthday; me celebrating my 65th birthday; Frida Zappa opening her birthday present, and then Watson claiming it for himself.

Afterwards, I’ll go back to working on the current schedule/pay period for my schedule and updating my finances. Oh yes, also replying to emails, schedule an interview for a potential new employee, and find out what the devil happened to the cat food I ordered a week ago.

Hopefully tomorrow I can finally finish the painting I’m working on, as well as add a little to the poem I’m writing.

Grading This Past Saturday

I’m tired and rather upset, so I’ll give you a brief grading of my experiences all day Saturday. I promise to give more detail later when I have the chance. 

A+ for St. Lawrence Market. My customers were so nice and friendly and respectful. Yay! 

B- The Waterfront Woman’s Awards were about 65% good and yet 35% frustrating and humiliating. On the good side I saw my cousin Vicky (well Robs cousin actually), the dinner was delicious, and I met a few people I liked. On the bad side, I had to deal with more people treating me like I was invisible. The staff would keep asking my PSW, “What would she like?” and things like that, and I would keep spelling out on my communication board, “Please talk to me directly!”. They also sat me way at the back so I couldn’t see anything. Sure, maybe I saw a few things, but when they started the auction and the fashion show I couldn’t see anything at all because people were standing up with their fucking phones, video taping the show! If I had been placed at a closer table, there would have been no problem! However, nobody thought about my perspective in this matter at all. 

F- My journey home. I should have taken a cab home with Cassandra, but I decided to wheel myself home instead. Ugh! The lighting was poor so I couldn’t see the sidewalk very well so I went onto the grass and I got stuck. Fortunately, a very nice couple helped me to get unstuck. A few minutes later, a van came inches away from hitting me. (What’s wrong with people?) When I did finally get home, I was soaking wet and exhausted.

By the way, I didn’t win an award. I didn’t care, though, I just wanted to have fun and feel included.