Dancing on the Head of a Pin Once Again

 February 11, 1999

 

Dancing on the Head of a Pin

  

I’m dancing on the head of a pin

Trying to hide the fear within. 

I laugh, I grin.

I dance, I spin. 

Standing upright and tall,

I do my best not to topple and fall.                                 

Repeatedly, they try to knock me over -

There’s no place for me to run for cover.

They pelt me with troubles and woes,

But I’m determined to stay steady on my toes. 

I dance...

and dance...

and dance...                        

Trying to keep my balance. 

Sometimes I can’t stand it anymore,

Sometimes I want to simply hide and close the door.

Their aim is accurate, it hits its mark -

All I want is to sit and cry in the dark.                            

I trip and stumble,

I swear and grumble,

But, still, I do not tumble.

I never stop

Dancing

Dancing like a top.                                      

I can never give in

Because if I do, they will most certainly win.

And so I spin...

and spin...

and spin...                                         

Upon the head of a tiny pin

Trying to hide the fear within.

                   By,

                         Anne Abbott  

I wrote this poem 24 years ago, and I still feel the same way. 

Juggling so many things all at once, spinning, twirling, dancing on the head of a tiny pin, trying to hide the fear that's within.  I need to do so many things, and I want to do so many things - sometimes the two realities collide and conflict  with each other.  When this happens, I feel terrible anxiety, panic even, knowing that, as hard as I try, I am not perfect.

It's hard for me to believe that I haven't posted anything here in over a year.  My life has been hectic, unstable even.  However, posting on my blog gives me great pleasure.  To express myself, share my life experiences and ideas/views - what could be more cathartic?!

So, I promise, here and now, to post more often.  Even if it's a picture, a sentence, or just a simple word, I will try my best to post something, at least on a weekly basis